Remember how I thought my Public Law assignment was a horrendous piece of shit?
Well, the abominable, disgusting, constipated and unworthy piece of utter shit that's not even good enough to be printed on toilet paper, otherwise known as my short essay on Judicial Review in Singapore and the United Kingdom, has just taken the cake in terms of Worst. Essay. Ever.
I had a plan. I had a great plan, a wonderful thesis, and a clear outline. But what happened to my brilliant plan? The word limit fucked it upside down and inside out. My first couple of drafts had headings, and when I got to the part where I attempted to substantiate my arguments under my first heading (something to do with why we should adopt an objective test or whatever), I unwittingly hit the halfway mark towards the word limit, and all I'd written were some introductory remarks, void of any real substance, wholly intended to slowly ease the reader into seeing my point.
In other words? Completely useless fluff. That happened for about two drafts, after which I decided that it was bullshit and that I was being way too indulgent, so I opened a new Word document and attempted to get to the point.
Over the span of two drafts I saw myself attempting to summarise the arguments of the majority in Liversidge, which once again used up nearly half of the word count. I had 500 words and I hadn't even argued anything - talk about recipe for disaster.
Shit, right? Totally. It was 2 in the morning, I was running solely on the two cups of coffee I had, I was really really really SUPER tired, and I was absolutely sick of my rubbish, ineffectual and un-intellectual essay. Ergo, I decided to screw my essay outline, screw the contamination of ordinary laws of the land point which I still think is utterly brilliant but alas, screw the other arguments found in Liversidge, screw it all except the unoriginal, tried-and-tested, utterly cliche and predictable 'cannot undermine fundamental liberties' point.
Not only is the end product completely not deep, thoughtful or particularly analytical, the writing has to go and leave me hanging high and dry, too. The writing is shit. It's not just shit; it's...so bloody shit that I don't have the adequate words to describe how shit it is.
I want to kill myself. I ended up sleeping at 4.30 a.m. when I couldn't take the torture anymore, thinking that I'd wake up and edit it, but I've been up since 11 a.m. and all I've done is play Tetris on Facebook, surf some blogs, and write this entry about how much my essay sucks and is in serious need of editing which I'm totally not helping by bitching about how sucky it is instead of editing it.
So tired lah. I feel physically ill and I am not exaggerating when I say that the thought of looking at my essay makes me want to wretch. I am so disappointed in the shit I ended up writing. I just don't know why I can't write short essays. And I'm very stressed out about the fact that I haven't written a single WORD for my Rational Choice research paper, in fact I haven't even saved a Word document for it, oh my god I'm gonna die. I'm gonna DIE. I WANT TO DIE.
I hope I don't fall asleep later when I meet Kenneth who's going to buy me a drink because I passed my driving test. Taking into account how very tired I feel right now, I'm afraid that it's highly possible that I might just fall asleep.
ARGH I FUCKING HATE MYSELF AND MY PIECE OF SHIT ESSAY.
Going to brave possible suicide and edit it NOW.