I groggily woke up at 5.30 this morning. I idly checked my Facebook newsfeed and saw that my mom had posted photos of the past month. The album was captioned '全家团聚的快乐日子'. Rough (and bad) translation: The Happy Days of the Family Reunion. (As with most things, however, it sounds more poignant and profound in the original Chinese.)
I scrolled through the photos. I got to the last one, of my dad and I at the airport before I left. My mom had written, 'Daughter is leaving again; she was home for a month. :('
I started crying after that. I still cannot think about this without feeling some pain in my throat. I thought I was too old for this - this sentimentality, this melancholy, this missing my family - but I guess one is never too old to be human. Perhaps what affects me the most is how such idyllic, carefree days together as a family are numbered: my brother and I are hardly in the same country together, and he has plans to marry his girlfriend. It will never be the same as it used to be. The most tragic thing is that I didn't even realise this until this morning.
I am having trouble forming sentences now. The bottom line is, I don't like to deal with these emotions, and so I will do what the best: avoid them and trick myself into believing that they don't exist. Maybe one day I will finally will my emotions out of existence.
Cambridge is cold and my room makes me sneeze. The heating has to be turned on but it is really very drying. I was in my room the whole day. Huge mistake. I felt like crap. I'm going to the college library tomorrow.
I had dinner with John. He is so funny and such fun to be with.
My flight was awful: too many kids, screaming babies, and a girl with a cough next to me. The bus ride to Cambridge took an additional half an hour which pushed back my schedule and I ended up meeting Dominic at 10pm when I was planning to meet him at 9pm. All the unpacking and requisite cleaning of my room (clearly it's not clean enough; something in here is irritating my nose, and it's not a cold because I don't sneeze when I'm outside) and changing of my sheets and chatting with Theo in the kitchen took up a lot of time.
We went to the Punter. I struggled to form complete sentences. He brought me some chocolates from his hometown (which are delicious) and a chocolate-covered fruity biscuit thing from Basel, Federer's hometown. But that wasn't the reason he got them; it's because he lives close to Basel. Ha! It was very sweet of him to bring me gifts. I wanted to get him something too but I didn't come across anything worthy and so I didn't in the end.
I don't feel like writing this anymore.