anotherlongshot (anotherlongshot) wrote,
anotherlongshot
anotherlongshot

i am more than you will see.

To rip off Mel's latest entry, I need to sort out some shit in my life.

**

Facebook is fucking detrimental to one's sanity and emotional well-being. But that's like saying guns kill people when someone needs to pull the trigger first.

It's been months and things are still the same: struggling for air in the middle of the ocean, no life buoy in sight. You know, the same kind of trite cliches I wrote in secondary school. I never learn, I never grow, I don't know if it's the exams or the isolation from the rest of the world due to me holing myself up at home every day but it's been awful these past few days. Absolutely, unforgivingly awful.

And yet, the stubbornness in me insists that I don't need people; that I'm stronger than I give myself credit for; that I will get through this in one piece, relatively unscathed, still pretty at the end of it ("I may be dead, but I'm still pretty." - Buffy). It's not a moral compass that stops me from giving in to urges and temptations that other people in my position would've succumbed to ages ago; it's something else, something more real, more accurate, more true.

Simply put? I know better. I've done the analysis and the rationalising and at the end of it all, I know better. So much for being not rational enough, eh?

But just in case, if I ever do anything really stupid and embarrassing, I'd probably be really, really, REALLY fucking drunk. I guess the upside is, intoxication is a defence, has always been a defence, probably will always be a defence.

I really, REALLY need to sort out some shit in my life.

**

So, here's a public declaration of love:

I miss everyone. Gah. I miss everyone. I hate having exams.

Tags: angst, exams, neb, personal
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