I hate SingTel. I hated SingTel when they screwed Starhub over and took away football and ESPN Star Sports. Back then, I vowed to never give in to this pathetic, government-cuddled "private company" and subscribe to its irrelevant cable TV, even if it meant that I'd have no TV access to the Australian Open and Wimbledon (and we all know how much I hate watching livestreams), two of my favourite Grand Slams.
It turned out that my love for Roger Federer is stronger than my principled stance against fucking SingTel. Ergo, I made my parents subscribe to goddamn SingTel's fucking MioTV shit and the crap was installed this Monday.
I haven't even watched anything on fucking MioTV, and the fucking problems have already started. First, for some unknown reason, we were told that we could only start watching the programmes 3 days after installation. That's always a sign that we're off to a great start.
Then, for some unknown reason, when the cable guys came back to test the signal, THE ELECTRICITY SHORT-CIRCUITED. AND IT HAPPENED TWICE.
According to my mom, they mumbled something about some spoiled cable and left.
Tonight, when my dad switched on his laptop which is connected to a multiplug that includes the plug for the MioTV whatever box, HIS LAPTOP DIED. There's now some glitch in his laptop which I'm totally clueless about because I'm not a goddamn IT expert.
Maybe the laptop dying is unrelated to MiofuckingTV. But the fact that it died after MiofuckingcrapTV was installed is slightly suspect, don't you think?
Not to mention, MiofuckedupTV is so fucking UNuser-friendly, one has to wonder what the fuck the people that came up with the technology were smoking when they came up with the technology. We tried to watch the programmes just now. We turned on the stupid set-up box. A fucking purple screen screaming "MioTV" in my face stared at me for about 5 minutes before the purple screen instructed me to press "ok" to watch TV.
Now, I can't help but wonder two things:
1. Why the fuck do I have to wait 5 minutes before I can watch TV? On a related note, surely I'm not the only one who's used to being able to watch TV IMMEDIATELY after I switch on the TV?; and
2. WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO PRESS AN EXTRANEOUS BUTTON BEFORE I CAN WATCH TV?
The powers that be at SingTel defend their shit product by claiming that the customers, i.e. educated people like myself, are not familiar with their technology. That's a kind of saying that we're too stupid for their technology.
Well, I have this to say to you: Fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you, FUCK FUCKING YOU. I don't have the goddamn time to wait 5 minutes every time I want to watch a tennis match. The only reason I subscribed to this shit (which I already knew in advance was the smelliest shit to ever come out of someone's asshole) is to watch my fucking tennis, WHICH SINGTEL FUCKING ROBBED FROM STARHUB. I'm not even some great fan of Starhub; god knows I constantly complain about Starhub.
But I never have to wait 5 minutes to watch TV when I turn on the box. I never have to press another button to watch TV when I press the button that turns on the box when I want to watch TV. And to the best of my memory, Starhub never caused the electricity in my house to short-circuit. Starhub has DEFINITELY never single-handedly killed a computer.
And now, thanks to this new kid on the block, a.k.a. a goddamn government-cuddled poseur, I have to subscribe to ONE MORE cable TV provider to watch tennis.
What goddamn sense does that make? Why must I settle for this inferior shit product just to watch tennis? See, I'm all for competition; but SingTel is actually being anti-competitive by hoarding the English football, whatever other football, and ESPN Star Sports. It's depriving me, the consumer, of a choice - I'm choosing this because I fucking have to. And in return, I get an utterly rubbish, sub-standard product.
But wait, I haven't even reached the best part! The best part is, I'm contractually obliged not to cancel the sports package for a year.
So I'm just wondering now what the fuck I'm gonna be paying 20-plus a month for when there's no Australian Open and Wimbledon. I don't watch golf, I don't watch F1, I have no use for Starsports when there's no tennis.
I am so pissed off.
I can't even begin to imagine how pissed off I'm gonna be when I start watching the Australian Open.
This is so uniquely Singapore, don't you think?