There hasn't been a single Sunday on which I don't feel completely defeated and drained. That's exactly how I feel - absolutely defeated.
It's probably all mental. Objectively, taking away my emotions, I'm not doing too badly. But it's telling, very fucking telling, how much I really don't fucking care about the good things that I've been told by the people with whom I work; it's also probably really telling how I'm constantly letting the the small things that I screw up get me down (i.e. I'm a closet perfectionist who can't accept mediocrity from herself; unfortunately, I'm too lazy most of the time to do anything about anything).
I don't want to be just mediocre at life. Right now, my life is one giant signboard screaming to the world what "mediocrity" means. The fact is, too, that the average person would kill to be in my position.
I don't want to settle for average. My life is very fucking average right now. I'm so over this.
