anotherlongshot (anotherlongshot) wrote,

Well, it's official.

I continue to be miserable every Sunday in preparation for the upcoming work week. What's the point? This is starting to feel like I'm Andy Roddick taking the court to face Roger Federer with my shitty 2-20 record hanging over my head, i.e. I'm defeated before I even fucking get there. I can't imagine the kind of lies that Andy tells himself whenever he has to play Roger; how do you argue against a hard-and-fast statistic that screams at you about what a loser you are against this guy? The answer is that you can't.

There hasn't been a single Sunday on which I don't feel completely defeated and drained. That's exactly how I feel - absolutely defeated.

It's probably all mental. Objectively, taking away my emotions, I'm not doing too badly. But it's telling, very fucking telling, how much I really don't fucking care about the good things that I've been told by the people with whom I work; it's also probably really telling how I'm constantly letting the the small things that I screw up get me down (i.e. I'm a closet perfectionist who can't accept mediocrity from herself; unfortunately, I'm too lazy most of the time to do anything about anything).

I don't want to be just mediocre at life. Right now, my life is one giant signboard screaming to the world what "mediocrity" means. The fact is, too, that the average person would kill to be in my position.

I don't want to settle for average. My life is very fucking average right now. I'm so over this.
Tags: andy roddick, angst, personal, roger federer, work

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