2. Borders and Kino are not stocking his freaking new book.
3. Why the fuck is it not in stock yet? It was published LAST FUCKING MONTH.
4. Have I mentioned that I need is freaking new book, meaning MY BLOODY LIFE DEPENDS ON GETTING MY GREEDY, JULIAN BARNES-OBSESSED HANDS ON HIS FREAKING NEW BOOK?
Oh my god Borders and Kino = EPIC FUCKING FAIL.
I'm reading a JB interview and I'm avoiding all the bits about his book because I don't want to be spoiled, but I couldn't help myself a read a bit and ohmygodTHEMANISAGENIUS:
You say in the book "We begin with a silence, a mystery, an absence, a contradiction," was that the starting point for your previous novel, Arthur & George?
"We begin with a silence, a mystery, an absence, a contradiction."
I have absolutely no context, I'm only assuming that the interviewer was quoting from the new book, have I mentioned that I have zero context, and yet, OH MY GOD READING THAT MADE ME DIE.
I AM DEAD.
JULIAN BARNES KILLS ME WITH HIS AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING GIFT FOR LANGUAGE.
I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE HIM.
His writing seriously makes me weep and I cannot even begin to describe what a genius I think he is. My puny brain cannot comprehend how it is that he's able to create such pure magic with the words that he writes, and I just...I cannot even...
I NEED HIS NEW FREAKING BOOK OH MY GOD CAN I GET OUT OF THIS COUNTRY NOW.
What advice would you give new writers?
Don't do it unless you really want to; don't do it expecting to earn a living from it; don't do it expecting praise, or to solve the problems of your life; don't do it in the belief that you live in a country which is broadly welcoming to culture; don't do it unless you love language and narrative and form. And don't listen too much to advice-giving writers clutching their bus passes. Find your own way.
How about "don't do it unless not doing it will kill you"? And: LOL at "clutching their bus passes"! God this man is hilarious.
I realised today while studying for Legal Chinese (yeah, I know) that I'm going to London and that Julian Barnes lives in London. I kind of freaked out. I kind of need to know where he lives now. And I kind of really want to meet him.
Simultaneously, I know that if I ever am lucky enough to come face to face with the immense genius and talent that's Julian Barnes, I'd just faint. I'd faint, I'd die, I'd hyperventilate, I'd look at him and run away, I'd open my mouth and gibberish would come out and I would feel like a five-year-old and I just wouldn't know what to do with myself at all. In my fantasy world Julian Barnes mentors my writing and I don't have to be a lawyer just to make ends meet and I live happily ever after making writing a career.
If I thought it'd be nerve-wrecking to meet Kelly Jones, meeting Julian Barnes would send me running for the fucking hills.
Oh my god someone needs to help me find out where he lives.
Oh my god I'm a crazy-ass stalker.
BUT I'M GOING TO LONDON AND HE LIVES IN LONDON AND AND AND I JUST ARGHHHH.
I can't imagine what I'd say to him that wouldn't come out like, "OMG YOU ARE AMAZING I LOVE YOU CAN I HAVE YOUR BRAIN PLEASE." Reading that no-context sentence from his interview question already turned my brain into utter mush and I'm all rjghsjghsughwshwih about it and everything and I'M GOING TO LONDON AND HE LIVES IN LONDON.
Please tell me that attempting to accidentally-on-purpose bump into him in London is the stupidest thing I'd ever conceived of doing. Because I genuinely think I might try to do that in June.
But hello, Yelen, you don't even dare to write a letter to him declaring that you worship the air he breathes because it'd be all ban men nong fu-like and you can't write a letter that's grammatically correct and stylistically-awesome enough to be worthy of his time; what are you going to do if the crazy-ass plan succeeds? And it's sooo not like writing to David Cook; it's writing to my favourite writer in the entire history of the universe and yes, TALK ABOUT BAN MEN NONG FU. (A.k.a. showing off in front of an expert. This is the best translation I can do, which means I'm gonna fail Legal Chinese tomorrow.)
I cannot get over that one sentence from his new book. I don't even know why I'm all excited and freaking out and arms flailing and whatever; I just...
I would sell my soul to be able to write even half as well as he does. You have no idea just how much I admire this man and how affected I am when I read his books. I started highlighting my novels because of him. I even highlighted my hardcover copy of Arthur and George - HARDCOVER, FIRST EDITION COPY. I paid over $50 for it, and I highlighted it.
Meeting Julian Barnes is potentially more amazing and awe-inspiring than meeting David Cook - seriously.
And I need to stop fangirling and writing out my fangirl fantasies 'cause I kinda have an exam tomorrow and even though I really don't know what to study anymore, I still kind of need to study.
Lastly, SHIT LAH I WANT THE NEW JULIAN BARNES BOOK WHAT THE HELL.