DAVID IS SO RETARDED. I STILL CAN'T STOP LAUGHING.
"Hey, did you hear about this new pirate movie? It's rated arrrrrrrrr!"
AND HE TELLS IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
NOT ONLY DOES HE TELL IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN, HE PAIRS IT WITH THE SAME ARM MOTION OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
He's absolutely hysterical - painfully hysterical. He's such a DORK and his stupid pirate joke totally reminded me of Mag's lame jokes and Rui's painful puns (ooh, it even alliterates!), not to mention Simon's lame and painful puns and jokes. Considering the kind of people I hang out with, I'm sooo not surprised David has proved, over and over, that he's soooo totally my soulmate. <3
I also love the fact that his favourite performance (of his own) is Music of the Night because it also happens to be my favourite David performance. He said (and I quote!), "I knew that there were gonna be people who thought I was gonna spin this Andrew Lloyd Webber song on its head, so I was stoked to be able to go out and do it. Like, I knew I could do it, and do it straight. It's just one of those moments, like, my god, see, I could do that too."
That was exactly what I was saying! My mom was one of those people and I kept telling her, "Hello, David can sing anything, his whole background is in musical theatre, and I bet he's gonna sing it straight." I also suspected that he sang it straight just to prove that he could do it and, wow, David and I? We share a brain.
I also just noticed that he uses the word "stoked" a lot, which is yet another reason on my constantly-growing list of reasons why David + Yelen = OTP. Like, totally.
His favourite Idol alumni? Michael Johns. I swear, if I weren't so averse to the idea of slashing real people, and if I didn't want David for myself, and if Michael weren't married, I'd TOTALLY be behind David Cook/Michael Johns! As it stands though, the undying friendship is soooo adorable.
The latest Ford music video was the lamest shit I've ever seen and the behind-the-scenes on the official site was utterly boring. I miss Carly and Michael! They were the only people that dorked out along with David and it was so entertaining.
Another epic David quote: "I wish I could taste things." The question was "what super hero powers would you like to have?" First he was all, "I'd like to have the ability...to...fly. So that I can...soar with the birds." Proving that he knew exactly how lame that sounded, he ended it with a snicker. Then he was in the background talking with Carly, going on and on about how he'd like to have the ability to hear what people are talking, and somehow that morphed to "I wish I could taste things".
WTF, Cook? He's hilarious oh my god I can't stand it.
Anyway, I was unsurprised that Jason survives another week to piss me off, but I was shocked that he wasn't in the bottom 2.
Actually, I don't think they even announced a bottom 2 this week; all Seacrest said was that one out of the two remaining contestants was going home without saying "America, this is your bottom two". I bet, as does, oh, the whole world, that Jason and Brooke both got the lowest number of votes, but because of what Paula pulled with her oh-so-clairvoyant critique of Jason's second song which he hadn't even sung, the producers decided to "make up for it" by declaring Jason to be safe first, then dumping poor Syesha, who's been in the bottom more times than she's been instantly safe, with Brooke, who eventually went home.
I don't believe, at all, that Syesha got the second lowest number of votes. DialIdol had her ahead of David (Cook), she had the pimp spot, and she actually didn't suck this week. Smart of Seacrest/producers to make it look like Jason wasn't in trouble at all by not calling Brooke/Syesha the bottom 2.
Oh my god, can Castro please please PLEASE GTFO my TV? And after he's gone, can ArchuBot leave? I really can't believe I'm saying this, but oh my godddd the only person I want to see in the finals with David is Syesha Mercado. And I've wanted her gone since TOP TWENTY-FOUR.
Ugh, this show sucks. If it weren't for David, I would've stopped watching a long time ago. All the good contestants have gone and the ones we're left with are all so horrible that my "second favourite" is more a matter of "the one I detest the least". And now, the one I detest the least is SYESHA OMG.
Have I mentioned I hate this show?
I hope the shock boot next week is ArchuBot. I'm quite sure that they won't be dumb enough to shock boot Cookie 'cause he's about the only credible contestant they've got left, so if there's still gonna be a shock boot, PLEASE LET IT BE ARCHULETA. I cannot stand him anymore. After the atrocity that was this week's performances, I've decided that I don't want David to suffer through the indignity of "competing" against a complete amateur who does the same thing with all his songs no matter what he's singing, and isn't even that amazing of a singer. The kid has vocal chops, but so does Syesha, and at this point I'd much rather see Syesha vs. David than ArchuBot vs. David. Syesha annoys the shit out of me with her put-on actressy crap, but at least she's not a complete robot like ArchuBot is. At least, to some extent, she's entertaining, even if half the time I'm sitting in front of my TV, willing her to shut the hell up and coming up with things to bitch about after she's done singing. With ArchuBot, when I'm not disgusted by how the judges (minus Simon, sometimes) praise him to high heavens and say that he can "sing anything" when he sounds the same week after week, when he has NO stage presence to speak of, and when he simply cannot perform, period (no sexual innuendos please and oh my god ew that is just gross).
Also, against Syesha, David's more or less assured of a win, so yay!
I still can't believe Syesha's the last female standing. CARLY!!!!!! WHY DID YOU SING JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR!!!!!
I hate American Idol.
But I love David. <3
Oh, Brooke left. Yeah. Sad. Whatever.
There was something else I wanted to say but I don't remember what it is.
Anyway, I'm still in deep love with Stereophonics and I was downloading YouTube videos of their live performances yesterday instead of studying for Chinese and I found this video of them performing "High as the Ceiling" and...Kelly's hair. I mean, yeah, I knew he had that centre-parting, longish ugly hair before he went all rock star and got his current hair cut, but...oh my god, KELLY'S HAIR.
I couldn't stop laughing. But at least he was being a poseur and wearing aviator shades throughout the whole performance, so he still looked damn cool. He totally copped out of the "if you make a fool out of me"...chorus? Is that the chorus? I have no idea. But he totally didn't sing that part and left it to the back-up singers who sounded awful, and I kept yelling at my laptop, "SING KELLY, SING!" but he never did. I'm so sad now.
I also found a video of them performing Pass the Buck on some UK music channel and Kelly was wearing his aviator shades and oh my god he's so hot. Hot hot hot hot HOT.
He's so intimidating and he gives off these "too cool for you" vibes and just for that, I'm glad I didn't stick around that night. If I ever come face-to-face with him, I wouldn't know what to say at all and I'd freeze up and look totally stupid. I also cannot understand 80% of what he says because of his accent, so I can just imagine a conversation between me and Kelly Jones, and...no, it just wouldn't go well. At all.
I really cannot remember what else I wanted to say. Ah well, I kind of need to study for Chinese, most unfortunately, which I will get to after I watch David being all retarded one more time! <3