I think I just need to marry Roger Federer right now to solve all my problems. He's so damn rich that I wouldn't have to work a single day for the rest of my life, and he's sexy and hot to boot so I'd be all set, and like it's even possible for a girl to fall out of love with the beauty and hotness that is Roger Federer.
Okay no idea what I'm talking about. I'm irritated and depressed. Why isn't it 12 midnight yet? I'm working on this thing and I can't see a finish line and I hate it when I don't finish what I start. But then, considering I haven't started anything in a really, really long time, I suppose the fact that I even have three drafts now is a major cause for celebration.
At least, right? Oh fuck that. Even if I am that desperate to vindicate myself, I'll never own up to it.
I've wondered about something for a while: Can you be a good writer if you don't think you write well? Maybe I really should just write to Julian Barnes. I've been wanting to do so for a very long time but haven't mustered up the guts to because...it's like so ban men nong fu. What if my grammar is wrong? What if my sentence structure is off? What if I sound like a pretentious twat trying to impress him with my "writing skillz"? Ugh I don't know.
Another reason why I can't finish what I start: I can only write at 12 midnight when the house is quiet and everyone has gone to sleep. I get VERY irritated when I'm writing and someone comes in and completely disrupts my flow of thought. This happens too when I'm merely writing some stupid blog entry, like now, and when I'm actually not writing some stupid blog entry, it gets even worse. So I've taken to writing only when my family is asleep so that I won't get interrupted, but there's another problem: I started this thing on Monday 1 a.m.; was suddenly inspired when I was in the toilet (don't ask; I don't know either). I had to stop at around 2 a.m. because I had class at 9 a.m. later on and I was planning to wake up at 7.30 to shower because I hate going to school with bed hair. I had to force myself to stop when I was actually all gunned up to continue, and now that I have stopped, I can't continue. Draft 3 is shit. There isn't even a complete draft; I start new drafts when I'm merely adding on to what I already have because I like to know what I'm adding, what I'm taking out, what changes I've made - and I don't like using track changes because it gets all messy.
I really hate this. I can't even begin to describe how much I hate this. I hate the fact that I'm stuck in Singapore next June. Oh wait, maybe I'm stuck here forever.
I just want to watch tennis now and not bother about anything, everything, anymore.