April 6th, 2002

Charah coffee

everything just sort of clashes

I mentioned I'm quite sick. I'm taking Codeine cough syrup for the cough, and it says on the label may cause drowsiness. May cause? What are you on? It took only a few seconds for the damn drug to take effect. The medicine for my flu also induces drowsiness. I watched "Amelie" last night on Pay Per View after taking the medication, and because of the stupid medication, I kept nodding off. It was such a great movie and I couldn't even fully concentrate (like what I'm doing now) because of the drugs. It's not nice at all. I don't like it.

Came back from the hospital a while ago. I forget if I mentioned that the cartilage in my knees are softening, so I have to take some glucosamine thingy to mend it back, so today I went to the doc for a check-up and to get more of medicine. My mom had to take an X-Ray, so she woke me up at the ungodly hour of 7.30 a.m. and off we went, dropping off my brother at school along the way. At the Radiology centre while I waited for my mom to take her X-Ray, I saw this woman wearing an orange spaghetti-strapped top and denim capri pants, and her hair was layered, and goes a little beyond her neck, and god, did it ever swoosh. Her hair swooshed. It was weird. I stared at her retreating back and wondered how anyone can make her hair swoosh like that. It was almost funny, but I was tired so I didn't laugh.

Me and Mom stopped by the market on our way home. Mom bought a big fish, and I stood there and took in the dead carcass(es), and I wished I was fully vegetarian. Beside me stood an Indian man with the most incredible eye-lashes. I didn't notice until my mom left me to wait for the fish mongers to complete their task of chopping it up, which included scaling the fish which was disgusting, and I sort of looked around, and god, when I saw his eye-lashes, my eyes almost jumped out of their sockets. They were the longest and prettiest eye-lashes I have ever seen. It was amazing. I don't know why I'm even mentioning this, but, well.

So that's it for my morning. I have to go to school at 3 this afternoon for Sports' Day. It's stupid, but since it's my last year in school and all, I might as well go, right? That's how I see it. And of course, we cannot forget that I'd be having dinner at That Restaurant, so give me a moment while I scream. *goes away to a corner, opens her mouth, and "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"*

I'm done!

Very tired now. I forgot about my tuition homework. Oops.

Charah coffee

friday five: routines

Friday Five
1. What are the first things that you do in the morning to start your day? Brush my teeth, tie up my hair, change into my uniform and rush downstairs to get on the school bus to school.

2. What are the last things that you do at night before going to bed? Nowadays I'd be rushing through some unfinished homework that was supposed to be done ages ago, or you know, I'd be doing last-minute cramming of shit into my head for a test the next day. School-related, boring things like that.

3. What daily routine have you recently added to your day? Getting a headache.

4. What routine do you wish you get rid of? Going to school.

5. What's the one thing that makes you feel like something is missing if you don't do it some point within your day? Going online. Which is why I cannot survive in the wilderness.

Charah coffee

saturday 8: best friends

best friends
  1. Do you have anyone that you consider your best friend(s)?

    Kind of. I refrain from using that term because too much expectations come along with it, and you become disappoint when nothing eventually happens. I do have a friend whom I really connect with though. It's rather weird and special all at once, because I've never met her. But I tell her virtually everything, via email. She's awesome.

  2. If so, when did you know or at what moment did you know this was a special friendship?

    When we discovered we have a lot in common, and we're very much alike in terms of interest and emotional issues. Which is a good thing, always.

  3. Have you ever stopped talking to or broke a relationship off with a best friend? Why?

    Yes. I mentioned her before. The Ex-Best Friend. Why? Things change, people change. That's why.

  4. If your best friend is from childhood, are you two similar in personalities or like night and day?

    Like night and day.

  5. Have you ever had a crush on a best friend ? (this could be past or current, same sex or not)

    So far, I haven't shown any lesbian tendencies, so no. And I never had a male best friend.

  6. If you have several best friends or a group of close friends: does everybody get along or they a little jealous of each other? Do you know why?

    I don't know. I prefer not to know.

  7. Without revealing too much, write about an experience where your best friend has pulled your butt outta big trouble or vice versa.

    I'm feeling kinda drowsy now from the medicine so I can't really think. Off the top of my head...Claire's encouraging emails to me and vice versa.

  8. Are you a good friend to your best friend?

    Like I said I don't like using that phrase, but honestly, my best friend is myself, and the answer is no.

Submitted to Saturday 8.

Charah coffee

i want to smash

I'm so so so so so so so amazingly tired. I can't believe I still have tuition tomorrow morning. This entire day has just been wicked, and I mean that in the negative sense. The Sport's Day was actually decent, but that's only because me, Yunnie, and The Athlete spent the entire thing laughing at people. We were up at the roof garden, and we were watching the relays, and the girl from my house (the entire school is divided in four "houses", aka groups: red, green, yellow, blue; I'm in red) was running really slow, so I yelled, "Run faster you idiot!" I had a lot of energy to spare. I was laughing and yelling and screaming and laughing. It was kind of fun. But it wasn't part of the actual programme. So the thing is, if I did sit at the spectator's stand with the rest of the Reds, I think I would be bored and pissed off shitless.

Well, anyway. I saw Gem today. Yay, right? Not really. First, I was so hungry, I actually felt dizzy. The meet ended at 8, and I didn't have anything from 1 p.m. til like, 9 something, when my food arrived. My stomach was already hurting. Not growling or whatever, but hurting. I didn't feel the least bit hungry, but I had to eat, right? The pasta I ordered was strange. It had some kind of garlic oil that looked disgusting. Seriously. Couldn't finish food. Also. My water took FOREVER to arrive. The place was busy and all, but my throat was parched, and I was complaining so loud I bet the family beside me could hear me. They must think I'm some spoilt brat. Sometimes, I'm inclined to think that too.

Anyway. Gem has a definite mole on his neck, and it's so so so so so bloody sexy. The way he wears his pants? God, he leaves it hanging halfway off his arse, like, I don't know, I don't suppose it covers his tummy. I think he got a haircut 'cause his hair looked different from behind, but of course, I can't be sure. Wouldn't it be awfully scary if I knew for sure? I didn't see him a lot, as I was sitting in the air-conditioned part of the restaurant. It has air-coned and non air-con, and for some reason, he's always out at the non air-con area. And like I said, I was dizzy and tired and annoyed, so I rested my head on the table. When I looked up a while later and started looking around, I couldn't find him. It was like, where the fuck are you? More time passed, and then I saw him coming out of this door behind the counter or whatever you call it. He came around to the front, and then he had a backpack slung over his shoulder. He left so early! I don't think I'd eaten even 10 strands of spaghetti when he left!

All I can say is, bloody hell. It pretty much sums everything up. Bloody hell. I saw my ex-classmate Clara. I didn't know she was behind me all the time, as she sat outside, and I sat very close to the glass wall thingy. I don't know what you call it.

But bloody hell. I can't explain it. Just bloody hell. I have it bad for the guy, you know? I went in, saw him, and stopped short, and this silly smile just spread over my face, and I went, "Oh my god." My heart stops beating for a few seconds whenever I see him. I can't stop thinking about him, I can't stop wanting to see him again, I can't stop writing all the stupid poems, and it's really stressing me out. And seeing him made me second guess myself all over again. My decision to do something about this dumb infatuation seems so stupid, because truth be told, I don't have that kind of confidence. It doesn't matter how I look or anything stupid like that. The fact is, I have never approached anyone, male or female, on my own accord. I really want to do it, but I can't trust myself to not make a fool out of me if/when I do it. I'm really at a loss here, and it's back to square one again. What the fuck do I do?

To top it all off, I'm having a slightly sore throat from all that yelling. Add that to the fact that I was already sick, and you get a very very bad throat. It sucks, I tell you. Just sucks.