April 16th, 2002

Charah coffee

i don't obsess. i just think intensely.

Today I had P.E. Today I had P.E., and we ran 6 rounds around a standard 400m track. Today I had P.E., and we ran 6 rounds around a standard 400m track, and I almost died. I cried after that because I couldn't breathe. My chest felt like it would implode anytime, and needless to say, it was bad. I hate running. I'm sure I have mentioned it before. P.E. is perpetually evil, and the most ridiculous thing is, we're gonna have elective P.E. after June. What the hell? And no, it does not mean one gets to choose not to take P.E.; it's a fancy, and stupid, name for intensive P.E. lessons that focus on one particular sport. I'm supposed to choose between football (as in soccer), volleyball and some other boring shit. Right.

Anyway. I'd see Gen for 30 minutes tomorrow after Maths remedial. I asked his opinion on whether I should skip it, and he was like, "No!", as if he was alarmed I actually considered it. Man. But 30 minutes is pathetic, though better than nothing, so I am determined to study very hard tonight for the Maths test tomorrow so that I can pass, get out of remedial, and see him for at least an hour on future Wednesdays.

That is, if he wants to.

You see? This whole thingy isn't that bad after all. I'm motivated to pass. There is a flip side to everything after all.


Charah coffee

so kiss me, and smile for me...

I'm a fool in love.

Well, almost. Today is the first time anyone had ever sang to me before, and...oh my god. This is not happening. It's too good to be true. You know why?

He likes me too.

Jesus. I cannot believe this. I read him the the poem, and after that he just went, "Oh god. You're making me crazy."

Oh god. I'm going crazy. He makes me so happy. I've not felt like this in god knows how long, and you know what else?

It's not just me.

I can't even put it into words. Is this real? Is it really happening? To me?

All I can say is...about freaking time, man!

All my day dreams are beginning to come true.

I still cannot believe it. I can't believe someone so incredible would like me. I can't believe I'm actually happy. Not that I wasn't before, but whatever I have felt in the past cannot compare to what I'm feeling now in any way, shape, or form. Everything seems more beautiful, more perfect, more meaningful.

There is this song, by Aimee Mann, I think. If memory serves, it's on the "Magnolia" soundtrack (the Tom Cruise flick that was 3 hours long and sucked?). It goes something like, "How wonderful life is, now that you're in the world."

I finally understand why people are so fixated with love songs.

I can't wait til tomorrow.

Charah coffee

questionnaire. my favourite.

Got this from Cheerbaby12.

15 Years Ago, I...

1) was just born.

2) was in diapers.

3) sucked my thumb.

4) cried a lot.

5) cried a lot, and disrupted my parents from sleeping.

10 Years Ago, I...

1) was 6.

2) suffered from asthma.

3) lived in Taiwan.

4) had a best friend in kindergarten.

5) was already playing the piano.

5 Years Ago, I...

1) was 11, in primary five.

2) started to like boys.

3) had my first crush.

4) was doing pretty well in school.

5) was happy.

2 Years Ago, I...

1) was 14.

2) was depressed. Or so I believed.

3) tested my body by starving myself on a few occasions.

4) was incredibly angst-y.

5) started to fuck up my academic life.

1 Year Ago, I...

1) was 15.

2) tried to change things, but failed.

3) discovered my niche.

4) found out the hard truth about life: you are your own best friend.

5) saw "Rebel Without A Cause", and it became the most important movie that I have ever seen.

Yesterday, I...

1) talked to Gen on the phone.

2) went to school and thought about Gen.

3) SMSed Gen in the morning and at night.

4) failed my E Maths test, and told Gen about it.

5) talked to Gen on the phone, did I mention that?

Today, I...

1) talked to Gen for an hour and 15 minutes on the phone.

2) thought about Gen.

3) felt very, very happy after getting off the phone with Gen.

4) have to study for my maths test and try not to think about Gen.

5) am thinking about Gen. Every second of the day. Every waking hour. Even in my sleep.

Tomorrow, I...

1) will see Gen.

2) have a test.

3) will see Gen.

4) will see Gen.

5) will see Gen, and it would be my first real date. Sort of.

Five Items I Have Brand Loyalty To:

1) Lip balm. (Lip Ice.)

2) I don't know.




Five Snacks I Enjoy:

1) ice-cream.

2) french fries.

3) potato salad.

4) potato chips.

5) health bars.

Five Songs I Know all the Words to, Even Without the Music:

1) "Leaving On A Jetplane". My favourite song right now. :) :) :) :)

2) anything by silverchair.

3) anything from Backstreet Boys' "Backstreet's Back" and their first European LP. I was a big fan and have terrific memory. Sometimes, anyway.

4) Lemon Tree by Fool's Garden.

5) Eh.

Five Games I Like:

1) Monopoly.

2) Bridge.

3) Hearts.

4) Solitaire.

5) Uno.

Five Books that Moved Me:

1) "Foxfire: Confessions of a Girl Gang" by Joyce Carol Oates.

2) "The Basketball Diaries" by Jim Carroll.

3) "Forced Entries" by Jim Carroll.

4) "Tiger Eyes" by Judy Blume.

5) I'm sure there are more.

Five Things I Would Buy With $1000:

1) a handphone.

2) an MD player.

3) a lot of CDs.

4) something for Gen.

5) clothes.

My Top Five Guilty Pleasures:

1) Love songs. But not the overly sappy ones.

2) Slapstick comedy.

3) Ice cream.

4) Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

5) Gen.

Top Five Musicians Lately (aka the last 5 CDs in the CD player):

1) Jay Chou

2) Alanis Morissette

3) Radiohead

4) silverchair

5) The Goo Goo Dolls

Top Five Locations I'd Like to Run Away To:

1) Gen's apartment

2) New York

3) Liverpool, to see Claire

4) Fraser's Hill

5) I don't know.

Five Bad Habits I Have:

1) being indecisive.

2) I do things on impulse, including this, but it paid off, did it not?

3) I'm too lazy.

4) I study for tests the night before, and I always end up failing.

5) being violent when extremely angry.

Five Things I Would Never Wear:

1) fur

2) leather

3) tube tops

4) frilly blouses (did that make sense?)

5) bell-bottom jeans

Five T.V. Shows I Like:

1) Buffy

2) ER

3) Dark Angel

4) Boston Public

5) The Practice

Five Places I've Lived:

1) Taiwan

2) Singapore

3) ---

4) ---

5) ---

My Five Biggest Worries At the Moment:

1) school

2) school

3) school

4) school

5) school

My Five Biggest Joys at the Moment:

1) Gen

2) Gen

3) Gen

4) Gen

5) Gen