April 24th, 2002

happy girl

boring wednesday morning

Stayed home from school today as I'm running a slight fever and a major headache. Went to the doc's this morning, and apparently my blood pressure is low, which explains the dizzy spells I get sometimes, and apparently I'm supposed to exercise. Shit. I spent the entire morning watching TV. I watched "Alias" and "Gilmore Girls", which got cut off halfway because the tape wasn't long enough. It's the best thing to do when you're not up to doing anything...parking yourself in front of the TV and let it do the thinking. Very relaxing.

If I was in school now, I would be having Maths. They're having a Geography test which I did not study for, so it's a good thing, very good thing that I'm home right now.

I'm no longer annoyed at Gen 'cause he called at 8 yesterday and asked if I was angry at him. I started to say 'no', then decided to be honest and said, "Okay, maybe a little."

So perhaps that wasn't 100% honesty either, but it was still something as I'm not the type who would tell a person to his/her face that I'm angry at him/her, not even over the phone. Not even through e-mail. I would prefer to avoid confrontations. And besides, he just woke up and he sounded so sleepy over the phone, and he's just really adorable so I melted all over again, so all is good now.

I'm just like that. A complete sucker.

Had a strange dream. I dived into a swimming pool from the sky, and I could control my movements in mid-air. I heard that one would be killed when one falls into the ocean from a high altitude. I fell into a swimming pool from way up there, and I didn't die. I plunged into the water and dived underneath. And this American with green eyes met me there, and he put his arms around me and we surfaced together.

We sat by the pool and talked. We started kissing, and he enquired (sp) about how my mother would react if she saw us. I told him that she wasn't around and not to worry about it when I turned and what didja know, she was right behind me with my brother!

That spoiled everything and I forget the rest of it.

I'm having trouble staying asleep. I opened my eyes at 5-something a.m. and started thinking about Gen, and after that I couln't fall into deep sleep again. It's terrible, as it never happened to me before. I used to be able to sleep til 10 a.m. and not be interrupted. I could even sleep through an earthquake.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel all right, but my sleeping pattern is beginning to change and it's freaky.

I'm also hungry right now.

Oh yeah. I got silverchair's new album, "Diorama", in the mail yesterday. Not bad. Doesn't quite grip me the way "Neon Ballroom" does, but it's decent enough.

I'm not crazy over them anymore. They're still my favourite band and I'm still dying to see them live, but it's no longer like, "I gotta buy EVERY magazine that features them!"

In fact, I could really care less. Oh well.
happy girl

construction sites

I remember something, all of a sudden. That Monday I left the place with my hair in a mess.

I just thought I would mention that.

Well I haven't done anything productive the entire day. Did a bunch of surveys out of extreme extreme extreme boredom. Quite tired, but don't feel like sleeping, because the Internet is so addictive, nevermind that I do nothing at all when I'm on.

There was something I wanted to mention, but I forget what it was, so...forget it.

My building is surrounded by other condominiums in the process of being constructed and it's so noisy. It would be a miracle if my migraines stopped.

Just spent the past few seconds staring into space. I think I need to sleep.
happy girl

pounding. head. pain. pain. pain.

As in in the head. The fever pills are supposed to help me but I don't think they're effective.

I took a nap from about 3 to about 5.30. I could've slept longer, but the phone woke me up and it was Gen. God, I love his voice. I have decided that the phone is the greatest invention ever as it means getting to hear his voice in my very own room. I was lying on my bed and everything, and a thought popped into my head out of nowhere: I really want to fall asleep in his arms. That Monday we held each other, and when I closed my eyes it was almost like I could fall asleep holding him, and it's such a beautiful feeling.

This probably does not make any sense, because it makes no sense to me. Then again, this whole thing with Gen does not make any sense at all. I just know that I really like him. I could fall in love with him if we ever really connect spiritually.

I want that to happen. Badly. Because what kind of relationship would two people have if it was built merely on physical attraction? I don't want that anyway. All my life I have wanted somebody special to love me and to love, and I really hope Gen is that person. Because I like him and I love it when he kisses me so it would be SUUUCH a waste if he wasn't.

We're going out on Friday. I think we should go for lunch somewhere public so that he wouldn't get the urge to bloody kiss me all the time.

Not that I don't like it, but it gets in the way of talking and I really want to just talk with him, so...

Going back to school tomorrow. Oh yeah, today is Cheryl's birthday. I got her the Lord of the Rings book, which was the reason I went to town yesterday.

Mom is nagging at me. Very annoying. I already have a headache, thank you very much.