April 26th, 2002

happy girl

you brighten my life like a polystyrene hat

I am typing this with total awareness that there is a love bite on my neck. My virginity is still intact, of course. But yes, we made out again.

It's not that bad. In fact, it's really really awesome. And today was different from Monday in the sense that I was prepared, and we did talk.

So his family is rich. I kind of figured that. The thing about him is that he isn't some spoilt son of some rich tycoon or whatever. He works and earns S$700-S$900 a month and refuses to ask his parents for money. I think that is really cool. It really shows strength in character if you ask me. I mean, if I was him, I would already have called up my folks and asked for like, a few thousand bucks a month.

He isn't very close to his parents. Once I asked him if he misses his parents. He said no. Then he went on to tell me that he misses his dogs.

I thought that was really funny, but it's just me.

I did mention today that I'm not in love with him. I told him that I would never go to his flat because I have a feeling we'd end up having sex, and I said it's not a good thing because we're not in love yet. Today I was just rambling so I said something like, "Are you in love with me?"

I expected a 'no' but he said, 'I don't know.'

This is the part where I tell myself not to think too deeply about it, because yes, self, you are sure it's just a harmless 'I don't know'. It doesn't mean anything. It only means, "Maybe I am, but I don't know."

It's just really nice to be with him. When he kisses me, it's like the entire world has ceased to exist and it's just the two of us being in that moment, relishing in it. And even if the words that come out of my mouth don't make the slightest sense, he'd still listen to me. He isn't a big talker. I'm not a big talker either. I don't really talk a lot when I'm with my friends. But when I'm with him, I just talk rubbish and I don't feel strange about it.

I'm a little confused though. Could a person be in love and not know it? How weird would that be?

I can't gather my thoughts. I skipped lunch and I'm a little light-headed now, and my mom is nagging at me to go for dinner, so. Yeah.

Did I mention that he has the softest lips?
happy girl

just before midnight

I attended an orchestral concert tonight. Gawd. It was like sitting through Maths lesson. Ever since quitting Music Elective, I have eased the pressure I put on myself to be musically-inclined because I'm not. I do not like attending orchestral concerts as I do not have the ability to sit at one place and not move and just listen to music for 30 minutes. I shifted in my seat, I bowed my head and I thought about Gen throughout the whole thing.

Speaking of him, I'm going to call him before I sleep and I'm freaking tired. I fell asleep during the concert. I never want to go again.