May 14th, 2002

Charah coffee

a kiss from a rose

I feel like a bloated piece of shit right now. I had my fast food, junkish lunch at 4 p.m., and it's 7.35 as we speak, and my stomach is hurting and I still feel like retching every other second. This is the reason I can't stand to eat sometimes.

I got a B4 for the Chinese prelim. That can be a good or a bad thing, depending on how you see it. It's a bad thing if you take into consideration my normal standard, which is definitely above 70%, which is an A grade. It's a good thing because I expected myself to fail. So.

My mom has officially gone mad. She emailed my form teacher asking for my whereabouts after school. What possessed her to think my teacher would have any idea what I do with my private life? She knew I wasn't in school yesterday, and that I was with Gen. I was really mad this morning, but I have long since cooled down. My Chinese exam is in exactly two weeks. I'm not seeing Gen for two weeks, but on the 28th of May, immediately after the stupid exam, I'm spending the rest of the day with him. Hopefully, he'd remember to take that day off...

We played volleyball during P.E. I never knew it was a dominantly Chinese game (at least in Singapore, it is). Chinese games are like, basketball, table tennis, badminton even. But volleyball just sucks. Whenever I hit the damn thing, my right wrist always kenna, and always on the same spot, so like, the whole portion was so red after a few minutes. I'm expecting it to bruise up. I paired with Yunnie, and Pearl joined us after running the 5 rounds she was supposed to do for TAF club (TAF=Trim and Fit; i.e. a club for overweight people to lose weight) but was too lazy to. Then the teacher asked us to play a small game. We got stuck with The Class Maid, who can't play sports for nuts, and The Quiet One, whose reaction to ball that someone threw to her during a game was still fresh in mine and Yunnie's minds. Me and Yunnie were like, "Oh shit..."

It turned out though that The Quiet One was actually quite good. She hit the ball rather high, and it got over the invisible net. However, The Class Maid is seriously pathetic. I'm not saying this to degrade her or anything but it's the truth, and she herself knows it. The whole time, I was laughing. I have never laughed this hard in a long time. I remember in Sec. 2 me, Yunnie and our friend Joyce Summers were playing with the nun gang, and it was so funny too that I laughed til I wanted to cry. Volleyball is a hilarious sport.

Gen is so adorable that I almost love him. He was popular when he was in high school. Girls liked him. Gee, I wonder why. And when he was in college he was the leader of some gang who like, owned the school. He brought in his textbook during some exam and copied out of it. The teacher couldn't do anything because he and his gang would beat him up. I think it's so funny. And horrible. He was the smallest guy in the group but everyone listened to him.

I wonder what I would think of him if I met him then. He doesn't really show that rebellious nature in him around me, only slightly. I found out yesterday that I'm not actually allowed to be in the restaurant with him when it's closed, and he apparently knows that but doesn't give a shit. I like being alone in there with him, obviously. It's so...god. I don't know, it's just so...I can't find the right word. But yesterday he was wearing the shirt he wears when he works, and it has buttons, and he left the first two buttons unbuttoned, and after the making out got a bit intense, I had a sudden impulse to unbutton his shirt. I wanted to even, but this auntie was in the kitchen and could see us so I couldn't do it. So sad right! Just kidding.

He is just so sexy, I tell you. So amazingly sexy. I'm not sure what kind of effect I have on him, but I'm almost positive it can't be the type that he has on me. I am entranced by him. Enticed. Hypnotised. Spell-bound. Bewitched. (Damn, my vocabulary rocks...) I don't know how to explain this. You just have to experience it.

He told me that his roommate brought his girlfriend to the flat and they had sex the whole day, and the girl was making a lot of noise. The girl is 18. His friend is 21. It's just a bit weird because I'm so young, and he's five years older than I. It's a bit unfair to him that we can't have sex because I'm still underaged, and even when I turn 16, I'd still be too young. But too bad. He just has to deal with it.

Oh, and he told me he wants to see me naked. Jesus. He does not want to do that. I look horrible naked. I should know. I see myself naked everyday and it's hard keeping the food down. Sometimes I'd look at my body in the mirror after a shower, and I'd tell myself, "God, I'm so fat." I weigh 52 kilograms and I am 165 cm tall. Technically, I am of normal weight.

But whoever set the standard for normal weight has not seen me naked.