April 16th, 2003

kiri win

forgive me for cursing but i can't fucking help it

Today's been pretty crappy. Rained heavily in the morning so I was later to school than usual; reached at around 7.42 or something. Left the house at 7. Yep.

My arms and legs are aching like hell right now. I lugged this shitload of crap home from school, all thanks to, primarily, my goddamn Economics ten year series. And because I don't file my stuff, everything's chucked into my file and carrying those two combined on one poor arm is total, absolute hell. Especially when you have about ten books stashed in your sling bag.

My shoulder hurts too. My head? Definitely throbbing.

I just want to die.

Okay. I don't. I don't want to go to school anymore. I'm really in over my head with the workload and I didn't understand a goddamn thing during Maths tutorial today. I got the gist but I didn't know how to do anything. I feel like a bloody retard, I tell you. Almost like how I felt every day in St. Nicholas, but thankfully, not to that extent yet.

The whole day I've been in some strange funk that came and went. Can't quite put my finger on it, exactly; it was more than a mood swing. I just couldn't get into anything. Couldn't get into the Econs lecture. Couldn't get into the Maths lecture on some binomial bullshit. Couldn't get into GP either.

And I'm still not bonding with the class. It's not them, you know. It's me. I can't be FUCKING bothered.

Funny thing that happened during History lecture. Was sitting beside and in front of this bunch of Malay guys. History lecturer has this habit of saying things like, "All right, Singapore's political climate, all right, in the 1950's, all right, okay, was as you all know, all right..." I didn't notice at first until they started sniggering and going, very sarcastically, "Okay!" Was wondering why, and then I caught her 'all right's and 'okay's.

Initially I was thinking, "How bloody juvenile." After a while, after I couldn't concentrate on what the teach was saying at all, I started to laugh to myself whenever she went 'all right okay'. In fact, I'm kind of laughing now.

It's not very nice but you gotta take into consideration my state of mind then. I was tired, pissed off, irritated and I couldn't care less about Singapore's butt-fucking boring history. Been doing that since primary school and I'm sick of it. So naturally I needed something to amuse myself with.

It's just unfortunate for the teacher, who's rather nice, that I chose her 'all right okay' thing.

I got spammed at ff.net. Goddammit.