April 4th, 2009

happy girl

(Miami 2009) Fed/Djoke - The Darkest Federer Match Ever.

(Live blogging Fed/Djoke!)

OMG, I swear, my heart dropped whenever Roger missed his first serve. I almost fainted when he was forced to go into deuce after a 40-15 lead when he was serving to consolidate the break.

But it's 4-1 now! YAY!


1.37 a.m.:

Broken while serving for the set at 5-1.

WHAT THE FUCK ROGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T DO THIS!!!!!!

I should be used to his mental lapses by now. BUT I'M NOT. PULL IT TOGETHER!!


1.43 a.m.:

OMG that was close. Almost faced break point again when serving at 5-3, 15-30. I must thank Djoker from the bottom of my heart for his shoddy playing today.


ROGER YOU NEED TO STOP YOUR MENTAL LAPSES NOW. I know Nole isn't much of a match for you today but it doesn't excuse the loss of focus. Stop the walkabout, and please, my DVR is running out of space so NO second setitis please! Be considerate. And I need to sleep soon too.


1.57 a.m.:

Djokovic 3-0 in the second.

Fuck, I'm damn disgusted. Roger had a break point to get them back on serve but what the hell was up with the freaking defensive play? DAMMIT.




2.05 a.m.:

Djokovic serving at 30-40. First serve went wide. On his second serve, I begged him with every freaking fibre of my being to miss his second serve, and when the ball hit the ground, I heard the most melodious sound of the entire match so far: "FAULT!"




2.17 a.m.:

This match is a freaking nightmare. Broken AGAIN and now Djoke is leading 5-2.

OMG WTF ROGER WTF WTF WTF. I went to the loo when Roger was serving at 2-3, and when I went back he was down 0-40. WTF. Did well to get to deuce, even erased another break point and got himself a game point, but ten million unforced errors later, he broke himself.


I think my only consolation is, even if he wins this, if he goes into the final playing like THIS, he's not likely to win.



2.22 a.m.:

Lost the second set 2-6.

WAHHH. Didn't even make Djoker serve it out. This is a huge, huge nightmare.

He looks annoyed and disturbed out there. I don't know why. OMG. This sucks so much. Horrible, HORRIBLE second set. I can't even joke about his second setitis anymore.

Argh. I hope the back is fine.


2.33 a.m.:

Roger Federer just broke a racquet. Not because he played too hard, but because he missed yet another easy forehand and out of anger he slammed his racquet into the ground and it broke.

Roger Federer got booed for breaking a racquet.

I couldn't believe what I saw.

I am just. This is unbelievable. My heart is utterly breaking for him, such that I can't even be mad at him anymore.

Oh Roger. What's happening?

0-3 Roger. He's going to lose this for sure.


2.43 a.m.:

I never thought I'd be so happy just to see Roger get on the scoreboard.

1-4 Roger.

I am certain that his back is giving him problems again. He never makes so many unforced errors from his forehand, and the camera caught him squatting a little in between points, the exact same motion he did in Shanghai last year.

I wish he'd call a trainer on court just to show everyone that he's injured because otherwise, people will just go on and on about how the King is dead and how his injury is not believable because he didn't call for a trainer.

But I know he wouldn't unless he's in serious pain. Maybe he's not in as much pain as in Shanghai, but I'm sure he's in enough pain to play so damn poorly, and even smash a racquet.

I'm so...ugh. I don't even know. I just want him to at least go out with some dignity left in tact. 2-6 or something. Come on Roger.


2.59 a.m.:


I wish I knew what's going on with him.

Well, at least it was 3-6 in the final set and not 2-6, I guess.

Oh Roger. Roger, Roger, Roger.

Yet another disappointment. He really had no excuse not to reach the final with his easy draw. It wasn't even like Djokovic played particularly well. If it'd been a case of Too Good on Djoker's side, it might've been better; but once again, ONCE AGAIN, as is the same damn story with his past few defeats, no one beat him on the court today but he himself.

There goes the once-really-viable possibility of him winning his first title of the season and first Masters series since 2007. At the second set, and more concretely at the start of the third, I did see this coming. With the kind of errors he was producing, it would've taken a huge miracle and a massive choke on Nole's part for him to win. Unluckily, Nole remembered how to play tennis today, and the miracle didn't happen. I didn't even hope for it when Roger started to look like his forehand was coming back a little bit when he broke Nole for 1-4...but it was 1-4, and his forehand completely died when he was serving for the first set 5-1. There was just no hope.

Now that the match is over, I must say I'm really disappointed in him for breaking that racquet. One of the ten million things I love about him was his graciousness and how he never loses his temper on court. Breaking a racquet was the kind of behaviour reserved for lesser players, players not like Roger Federer. But now, he's broken a racquet after going, what, six, seven years at least of impeccable behaviour. I mean, really. Of course I totally understand that he was hot-tempered as a junior and he's probably hot-tempered by nature, and that he worked really hard to get his emotions under control on the court. I totally understand that, for someone like him, when his forehand is the thing that wins him 57 career titles and when that weapon breaks down for no discernible reason, it's increasingly difficult to keep your anger under control. I also understand that he's just human, and it's really a miracle that this is the first time since his junior days that he's smashed a racquet, considering his bad 2008 season, his horrendous losses this year, and the probability that he's hot-tempered by nature.

But still. He's Roger Federer. Maybe it's unfair of me to pin these expectations on him, but he's the one that held himself to such high, lofty standards. He's the one who's won the Sportsmanship Award five times in a row, and the same guy who always respects the rules, who never does anything to call into question his sportsmanship. He's the one that made the concerted effort to change his behaviour and his mindset, and to carry himself with grace and dignity. I'm sorry, but a world in which Roger Federer starts to break racquets is a world that does not make a single ounce of sense.

I'm more disappointed than I thought I'd be. But still, nothing can make me give up on him. If being utterly convinced that he gave up a match still kept me hanging on, him breaking a racquet isn't going to move me. I'm disappointed and I wish he hadn't done that, but the truth is, no one is more disappointed and angry than he himself. I mentioned he looked really irritated and disturbed throughout the second and third sets and...yes, he was pissed off at himself for failing to execute his shots, for letting the wind win, for letting himself kick his own ass.

It's heartbreaking, really, watching these losses. The Australian Open final could've been his if the real Roger Federer had shown up for the final set. Same goes for Indian Wells and today's match with Djoke. It's blatantly obvious that Roger hasn't been himself lately. When he had to finish Roddick in three sets, I was already a little bit worried that he wasn't going to win the Djoker match. When he got broken serving at 5-1, that worry intensified. When he was broken in his first service game of the second set, that worry became a fear, then became resignation. He could have won this. I even thought that I'd be damn mad at him if he lost this because Nole was playing really crap for the first two sets. Nole did well to clean up his game in the third, but it wouldn't have mattered if Roger had actually shown up to play because there wouldn't have been a third set.

I really have no idea what's bothering him, and I wish he had someone to help him figure it out. No one likes to hear criticisms about how he should get a coach (hello, he tried, but failed - not his fault it didn't work out) and whatever but I really...shit, I can't even say it.

You know, I don't even know why it matters so much he does well, that he comes back. Because I wasn't even a fan when he was dominating. I didn't even give a shit about him in his hey-days (er, hey-years?), and now all of a sudden it matters, and it matters a lot, whether he goes back to #1 - literally and otherwise - or not. I mean - what? Why do I even care?

But I do, I fucking do, and it's fucking horrible when I have to watch him lose these shit-easy matches that he should have won. I bet Nole knows as well that he got lucky today - poor performance, and yet winning, because his opponent forgot to show up. Roger is beating himself out there - no one is beating him. Not even Rafael Nadal.

I really hope he figures things out. I don't even know what to say anymore. But I know there are many more titles left in him and I will continue to have faith like an idiot Fedtard, but because I embrace my idiotic Fedtardness, I will continue to have faith. Because I believe in Roger Federer. He's the best. He's capable of so much more than...this.

I guess the bright side is, at least the final wouldn't distract me from the ICL exam anymore. The only person I want to win this is Del Potro. I hope he wins his match later on.
happy girl

This is my version of racquet-smashing.


1. Damn tennis for keeping me up last night and jolting me awake this afternoon when I hadn't slept enough. Damn me for being so stupidly emotionally invested in Roger and his career that, the last I checked, still doesn't have anything to do with me that I happily went on to screw up my sleep pattern. Sleeping at 5 and waking up at 12.20 p.m. is NOT GOOD, not when I usually sleep at 2 and wake up at 12.20. DAMN THIS SHIT.

2. I cannot write anything useful to save my life. I can't focus on an article, on one question, long enough to formulate the slightest semblance to an argument in my mind in order to get down to writing the stupid answer. I can't focus. I can't focus. I haven't been able to focus the entire fucking semester, and it has got nothing to do with tennis; tennis was the inevitable result of my loss of focus. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME, except maybe I'm fucking tired of this exam shit and I'm burned out and I wish I could take a year-long break then come back to this after I'm done euthanasia-ising my brain - BUT I CAN'T. I have to do this now even though I deeply don't freaking want to, or feel like it, more so than I have ever felt before in my whole life. I have to do this now, and despite knowing how to say those words, I don't seem to understand it at all because it's 5.30 and I'm still working on the first fucking question.

3. What the fuck is wrong with me. Why am I so damn unmotivated? I'm so tired of this.

4. I'm also damn irritated with idiots out there who's blaming Roger for not having a coach and who think that people who chalk his recent bad serving up to his persisting back problem are deluded. SCREW YOU. He tried Cahill - it didn't work. Stop blaming him. And the back problem, even if not crippling, obviously has had an effect on him mentally. Can anyone imagine being the elite athlete that he is and going out there trying to compete at a high level and yet worrying, subsconsciously, that you might do something to injure your back and sideline yourself for the majors? I mean seriously. Just because he's not lying on the floor getting a back massage or being carried off the court on a stretcher, doesn't mean his back isn't bothering him. And I'm sure it's still an issue because he serves maybe 3 double faults a whole tournament, not 5 per match. Stupid bloody people.

5. And stupid bloody people for making a big deal of his racquet breaking and his water bottle tossing. Why does every single thing he does get analysed to death under some relentless microscope? GIVE HIM A BREAK AND LEAVE HIM ALONE.