January 16th, 2011


All hail the great, almighty Singtel - Singapore Telecommunications

I am so impressed with Singtel's exceptional products and customer service. Whenever I call a customer service hotline, I definitely expect the officer to tell me that his department does not handle my query and that the department that does handle my query is closed for the day, nevermind that the Singtel website states that the said department is opened from 8 a.m. to 12 a.m. daily.

I'm also definitely living in an era where technology is so backwards that I am impressed by my cable tv service provider's very impressive technology, in the form of a set-top box that does not come with a recording function. In fact, I have absolutely no idea what this particular service provider's competitor is offering, which is a recordable set-top box and a basic set-top box that does not allow me record into the box, but which allows me to connect to an external recorder to record things like, oh, I don't know, the Australian Open, which I cannot watch because I will be at an irrelevant place called work. Oh wait, I forgot, this said competitor no longer offers the Australian Open because it was stolen by the service provider in question, which is oh-so-great and revered because it is SINGAPORE Telecommunications!

To reiterate, I am so impressed with Singtel. I absolutely love paying extra money every month to watch two weeks of tennis in two separate months, and being given a set-top box that, wonderfully, does not have a recording function. In Singtel's technologically-superior universe, that means that my external recorder is rendered obsolete - because, you know, those things are so five years ago. Who uses those things anyway? The tech-savvy people ALL know that you either pay $10 more a month to enjoy recording, which is a right given to you by Singtel's clueless competitor, or you don't record anything at all!

In fact, I love Singtel so much, and am so so SO grateful that Singapore's cable tv market is now so damn competitive that the benefits are beyond orgasmic, that I am totally not angry at all, not angry at all, that Roger Federer is playing his opening match at the 2011 Australian Open at around 12 noon Singapore time tomorrow, and I won't be able to record it because Singtel's technology is totally beyond me.

Nope, not at all angry. There is nothing more important than competition, right? Because the consumers benefit and that's the most important thing, right? I totally agree. That is precisely why I really, sincerely feel like I'm benefiting from my awesome 1-year contract with Singtel, which I definitely agreed to because Singtel's chairman and I had a heart-to-heart discussion about it, because the Australian Open and Wimbledon are really played every day and it really doesn't matter that I will be at work when Roger (Roger? Who's Roger compared to Singtel? What is a Roger compared to COMPETITION, /orgasm?) plays his first Australian Open match because I bow down to Singtel's technological superiority. Really, there's nothing like it. There's no cable tv provider like Singtel.

Singtel, you are the be all and end all - the alpha to Starhub's omega. Hats off to you. Colour me impressed. It is all because of you that we have competition!/orgasm in Singapore's pay TV market. All of us oppressed Starhub customers are liberated from Starhub's evil, anti-competitive clutches. Don't worry, we all know the endgame is COMPETITION!/multipleorgasms. Therefore, we are all delighted and overjoyed to have two cable set-top boxes (makes my living room look so much better!) and pay more for cable TV every month (we need to feed the government!).