December 10th, 2013

Charah coffee

That sinking feeling.

I feel like I am being slammed repeatedly into the same brick wall. It is shocking that my head has not burst open yet.

I don't know how much longer I can do this. All I see are dead ends, options that are not legally available to me, and I'm left with a nasty feeling of regret - that I should have done something when I was a student; that I should have taken that internship with the NGO a couple of months ago. But I am too single-minded for my own good. I can't focus on more than one thing at a time. I wanted a distinction and that was my goal and I couldn't focus on anything else, let alone have a serious think about what I wanted to do after my course was over. And then the internship offer came and I turned it down because I was job hunting.

In the end, I am left with nothing - just the barely-there comfort of words written on a single piece of paper that suddenly don't feel important anymore.

I don't know how much longer I can do this.