December 22nd, 2015

kiri win

Superficial Me

What is the difference between two nerds?

That didn't make any sense, did it? I shall attempt to think through this. When I went to the IPTL on Friday with Kevin, I also met up with some mutual tennis friends and met some of their tennis friends. One of them was this guy who apparently plays at Cashew too; I used to go to the Thursday sessions quite often before I left for Cambridge.

This guy - let's call him SCW - messaged me on Meetup the next day, asking if I wanted to play tennis. I always want to play tennis, so I agreed, and we played this morning. It was nice, but that's because it was tennis. I'm not discerning about my tennis partners as long as they can consistenly hit the ball back to me; I'm not even fussed about spin and pace and whatever. SCW had pretty nice strokes - good forehand set-up, single-handed backhand, etc. That mkes him a good tennis buddy...and it more or less ends there.

He texted me at 7pm asking if I wanted to have dinner. I was already eating, and anyway, I didn't want to have dinner with him. Then when I said that I was already eating, he asked if I wanted to have lunch tomorrow.

No, I really don't. I am really not interested in seeing this person off the tennis court. I have not replied, and I feel bad about that, but I don't know what to say. If I say that I'm not free tomorrow, that opens up the possibility of him asking for lunch/dinner/whatever on another day. If I say that I'm not interested, that seems a bit too rude and direct. But I guess I can just say that I'm not free, and if he asks again, I will say that I'm not interested.

The broader question, though, has to do with this guy's background. I am willing to guess that he's reasonably intelligent in the maths-y scienc-y sort of way. I think I can reasonably say that he's a nerd. Dominic doesn't see himself as such, but objectively speaking, he is also a nerd.

The question, then, is: Why do I like one nerd and not the other? I like Dominic's nerdiness. I think it's intriguing and cute. His nerdiness is also intricately bound up with his intelligence, which is one of the reasons I like him.

But there has to be more than that. Dominic is not really a nerd in the stereotypical sense: he dresses like a normal person, and quite decently too; he has good social skills; and he is presentable. I can hypothetically introduce him as my boyfriend and wouldn't feel embarrassed. I can trust that he would work a social situation with competence at the very least.

SCW, on the other hand, is not presentable. He is short - shorter than me - with thinning hair, wears shirts that are too big for him, unflattering bermudas, and sandals. While he is not inarticulate, he is not particularly articulate either. Conversation with him isn't particularly interesting; it's just all right.

Dominic, on the other hand, is well-spoken, and has the advantage of having a non-Singaporean/Malaysian accent that doesn't sound horrible like the French or Spanish accent. In fact, his English is rather posh, and I adore the way he says 'yeah?' (Ja) at the end of sentences sometimes. (I actually rather miss that. It obviously doesn't come across in Facebook messages at all.)

There is also this: At tennis this morning, SCW attempted to be chivalrous by offering me the shaded side of the court; after a while, he asked if I minded the sun. I genuinely didn't, so I said I was okay with the sun, and he said that he preferred the shade.

I appreciate the honesty, and there is nothing wrong with not wanting to get skin cancer, but there's just something about a man who is afraid of the sun that rubs me the wrong way. I hate to succumb to stupid gender stereotypes but here goes anyway: it is not very manly, is it? Dominic may have an advantage here, being ang moh, but I can't imagine him ever saying that he'd rather be in the shade and leave me to burn under the sun (it'll definitely be the other way around). Also, I don't find pasty-looking men that attractive, if I am being honest. A slight tan looks nice. I even quite like a healthy, deep tan. Men that are too fair look sickly and unhealthy.

There is this, too: SCW asked me what I studied; upon hearing my answer, he said, 'There's a PhD in law?'

I think that speaks for itself, does it not?


I find unwanted attention from men really annoying, especially men that have no chance in hell with me. In fact, sometimes I am quite insulted that men like that still try as if they genuinely believe, however minutely, that they remotely stand a chance. I'm sorry but no. Just because I'm polite and sometimes friendly doesn't mean that I'm interested; just because I want to play tennis doesn't mean that I'm interested either.

I am really judgemental and mean and superficial. While I don't go for the typical hot guy, and sometimes it's debatable whether some of my ex-boyfriends qualify as good-looking, the bottom line is, I don't date ugly guys. I just don't. And even if the guy that I'm dating is average looking (though I don't commit to this stance one way or the other), he has lots of other things that make up for it: superior intelligence, for one. Super adorable sweetness, for another. And of course, a wicked sense of ironic humour.


My writing this entry has been derailed by my changing of my flight back to the UK. I sat on it for too long, such that the 7 January flight that I wanted is no longer available. Why did I hesitate? Ah ha, no prizes for guessing correctly.

I was almost tempted to choose a more expensive flight to see if G would make good on his offer to pay me back the cost of changing my flight...but what would be the point? I don't want his money anyway.

I am leaving on 10 January. This is a bit annoying; I am really getting zero work done here and I wanted to go back to Cambridge sooner rather than later. Oh well, when the Downtown Line becomes operational, it will be easier to get to BTC, so I will hopefully be less lazy about that.