Thoughts after meeting my international human rights law tutor (which may or may not be relevant to what I'm going to say):
Being ambitious + being afflicted with chronic laziness = worst combination ever.
If I were unambitious and lazy, I wouldn't have thoughts about achieving difficult things - which means that I would be happy being mediocre...which is a state that many people are in and it seems to work for them, so it may not be a bad state to be in.
If I were ambitious AND hardworking, I would obviously have a higher chance of realising my ambitions which would likely not make me feel bad about myself - also not a bad state to be in.
Alas, I am ambitious and lazy as fuck. This means that it's gonna take a lot of mental effort on my part to rise to the occasion and overcome my inherent personality defect. But it has to be done - I'm fucking tired of being mediocre because it makes me deeply unhappy. We should all start going after our own happiness at some point; for me, at least for now, this is it. There are no alternatives or escape routes and there is no Plan B. I don't care what comes after this, if it doesn't eventually get me anywhere; I want it for its own sake, as a vanity project, some sort of vague self-validation.
Whatever. It has to happen. There is no other way.
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