Although, to be fair, it's nobody's fault that I've been acting like someone's analysis of Addison Montgomery's behaviour on Private Practice lately. She's having some weird emotional relationship with this married doctor whom I don't care for one bit, and someone on TWoP said that she has self-esteem issues, which is why any sort of male attention flatters her and blinds her to the glaring fact that the guy is simply not a good guy. Clearly, a good guy wouldn't be thinking about another woman, then showing up on her doorstep to kiss her, when his wife is having serious issues with her pregnancy.
I don't know if I agree with that characterisation of Addison - that she has a low self-esteem - but I still remember that comment when I usually read TWoP episode threads out of boredom and don't last after a couple of pages because, sad to say, it struck a cord in me. It's alarming, to say the least, that I identified with that comment to the extent that I think it might even be pretty apt in describing me.
I don't even want to really talk about it because it sounds pathetic and whiny, but maybe admitting there is a problem is the first step to curing the problem. It's probably a long shot, but here it is nevertheless: The confidence and self-esteem have both taken a beating lately, and I feel like I'm in a bit of a rut. I don't feel passionate about anything that has the slightest bit to do with real life, and once again I'm getting way too carried away with my Passion of the Moment (tennis, if it needs to be spelled out). This over-indulgence in one particular thing or person usually happens when I'm trying to escape from something, or trying to fill up a void in my life.
What is this void then? Probably the company of the opposite sex. One of my friends nailed it right when she said that all girls like attention, and when someone - ANYONE - pays attention to you, it gives you the kind of high that clouds your judgement and causes you to lose your analytical ability, your reasoning.
More than ever I've been highly suspectible to this stupid pitfall, no thanks to the latest disasters my stupid, paltry love life has suffered. I admit that I have taken to feeling sorry for myself and letting the worthless opinion of people I really don't fucking care about affect me. I wish it'd stop; but it hasn't. I don't know when it would. And when I'm in such a mental state, feeling utterly unattractive among other things I shall not reveal in interests of saving some face, my rebuttal presumption has morphed from "I can get anyone I want" to "I don't think anyone's going to want me, like, ever".
To be perfectly honest, I doubt I'd ever truly believed the former rebuttal presumption; maybe I did, half of it, but not to the extent that I genuinely thought I was the best thing since sliced bread and mankind's gift to the male population. I think it'd be awesome to get through life having such a high opinion of yourself...but I don't. Maybe I would if the past three years hadn't happened; but the fact is, they did, and they've reduced me to the person currently writing this stupid entry which she'd probably regret doing the moment she posts it.
But it has to be said. Admittance is the first step to cure. I know, at some abstract level, that I'm better than this; but right now, I just don't feel it, I don't believe it, and I forget if it's more a case of I Am Not Interested in Anyone, or of No One is Interested In Me.
Do you see why I have been writing non-stop about tennis lately? It sure as hell beat this fucking stupid self-pity fest.
Whatever. Moving on to more important matters.
Miami 2009: Federer def. Roddick 6-3, 4-6, 6-4
I haven't watched the last two games of the match. I had to run off to school for Human Rights and when I came home to watch the last two games after class, I found out the match had been erased. I have no idea what happened, but thankfully it's repeating at 2.30 p.m. tomorrow so I can re-record it.
Anyway, my favourite moment of the match was this. Andy had some Miami football player sitting in his box and the football player was extremely obnoxious throughout the entire match. I fast-forwarded through all the changeovers so I can't cite examples of his obnoxiousness, but the camera zoomed in to him enough times to show him shouting, jumping out of his seat and cheering really loudly for Andy, as if he was on a football field.
Sorry dude, this is a tennis match. Fans don't make noise during tennis, and certainly not as much noise as you were making. I don't know if Andy knows him personally or if he was just supporting Andy because Andy's American, but I completely disagree with some Fed fans who thought Andy should've asked him to shut up. I wouldn't be surprised if Andy took advantage of the footballer's obnoxiousness as a means to distract Roger, but as it stands, he was playing in a competitive match. He had no time, and didn't have the duty, to go off and talk to someone in the audience. If anyone should have done it, it should have been the umpire.
But Roger, rather hilariously, took matters into his own hands at 4-all in the third set. After Andy held after saving a break point or two, Roger walked off all annoyed and shouted to the football guy, "Be quiet!" It totally reminds me now of the same "be quiet!" he shouted at Djokovic's box - including his parents - during one of their matches some years ago (I saw the clip on YouTube).
Roger doesn't typically talk to the audience or acknowledge the audience when he's still playing a match. He only flares up when things get out of hand, the way the stupid football guy did today. It's extremely rare to see him get all angry so I personally found it really amusing.
Anyway, Roger's WTF 40-0 to broken service game in the second set was truly WTF. Three great points, then a really loose forehand and two weird unforced errors, then another unforced error at deuce to give Andy break point, and then a double fault at break point. Seriously?! I think it was the same game where Andy suddenly ran off to change his racquet when Roger was getting ready to serve the next point at 30-0. Strangely, his lapses in concentration in the past few matches have been preceded by something his opponent has done, such as Murray falling on his arse and now Andy changing his racquet. Obviously I'm not saying Andy's racquet change affected Roger enough, or at all, for him to go haywire on his serve; but it's interesting to note that the loss of focus seemed to have been caused by something.
Also, what the hell Andy, running off to change your racquet literally in the middle of Roger's service game? What did you do that for? Couldn't you have waited until after Roger's service game? It wasn't even like he broke a string.
Well, if this had been Nadal, I'd be ripping him a new one; but I love Andy so I'm only a bit miffed. Yes, I'm well aware of my double standards, but at least Andy doesn't constantly do things like that. And I like him primarily because he's quite the character, while Nadal doesn't seem to have much of a personality.
Anyway, I thought Andy played a rather solid game after the first set. I was just glad and relieved he wasn't serving his usual bombs at the crucial points of the match, e.g. in the last game when Roger had match point. I was SO relieved when Roger finally won that I let out a "yes!" at the back of the class this morning. Thankfully it was during the break; would've been quite bad if it'd been in the middle of the lesson.
Another thing I loved: Roger's passing shots. I love watching him pass his opponents at the net, though not so much when HE gets passed at the net! He made THREE looping cross-court forehand winners that took my breath away every single time.
Also? That lone backhand down-the-line winner was absolutely exquisite. He had some decent backhand practice this match which is always good. I've missed his backhand down-the-line shots, especially those that expertly hit the mark!
Lastly, I think this picture is criminal:
All I can say is: Look at where his hand is, and look at where that hand isn't.
Also, Andy's twitchy crotch-grab is seriously hilarious. I wouldn't mind having a still of one of those crotch-grabs. There are so many stills of Nadal picking his ass floating around on the Internet; I'm sure I can find one of Andy's strange between-points crotch-grabbing tic. (I wouldn't actually use the word 'grab' to describe it; his hand goes really quickly to his crotch as if to pull something then quickly goes away. It's simultaneously vulgar and hilarious. I love Andy. I'm so sad he's getting married this month to some model a year younger than me. Life is so unfair.)