Where do I even begin?
Everything went wrong and this is not just a mere manifestation of my inclination towards melodramatic prose.
I don't understand why it is that I can write decently in this journal but not in my exam.
I spent half an hour planning my essay, coming up with ten or eleven distinct points, but I only wrote four of them and two of them were quite similar in nature.
I probably chose the wrong question too. I strongly feel that I did not give it enough depth, let alone layers of ambiguity and paradoxes.
I mean... "Does the past and the present offer guidance for the future?"
What the hell.
And it did not help at all that I kept thinking about Paper 1 in the middle of Paper 2. And summary came before the other questions on the second passage, so that I did that first which was also a first for me as I usually do the summary and AQ last since they're always at the back of the paper but today's paper had it before the other questions so I did that first and as a result I barely had time to fully complete the AQ.
And I had no idea what the hell the AQ was asking of me. I had like, twenty minutes left; hence, I panicked. Hence, I wrote a bunch of copious nonsense, half of which hardly addressed the question because I didn't even relate it to Singapore. Went off about abortion and euthanasia which weren't what the question was asking for.
The second passage sucked. The writer of the first passage can't write. Cambridge is idiotic for setting uninspiring questions. Who cares about advertising? Who cares about the needs of the young in Singapore? And who the hell cares about fantasy story books and films?
I can already envision the B3. The nightmare is taking shape.
Nobody believed me when I told them that I did really really really really badly; screwed up, in fact, in brief. Pei was like, "She always says that she's dead but she never dies."
It's different this time. What I wrote toady was incomparable to my prelim script in terms of breadth and of quality when it comes to language. It was as though I have never written anything in English before. The words were constipated. I was not driven by anything but desperation and that is the worst kind of non-drive a person can have. And I still don't think my prelim was all that great so this means that I'm honestly screwed this time.
Spent the afternoon trying to memorise First World War facts. I still believe that it was a stupid war that barely involved the entire world and the fact that it is called a "world" war shows a lot about how the Europeans viewed themselves.
And I am very pissed off that Bush is re-elected. What the hell is wrong with Americans? Read a piece in the papers today, taken from the New York Times, that basically confirm my suspicion that the Republicans get their support from stupid rural farmers. Evangelical Christians.
Excuse me while I laugh. What has religion got to do with politics anyway? I thought America was supposed to be secular but I guess I was wrong. And if they're so evangelical, then I don't understand how they can conceivably support a president who metes out violence as though he were Santa Claus giving out presents on Christmas. I thought religion was supposed to wipe out violence. I guess I was wrong too.
There was a question on religion today. I didn't do it because I refuse to talk about religion in essays and conversations. I'd only end up pissing people off. Oh well.
Very disappointed in myself.
I started whining to him about it when I saw him downstairs after the thing and he was like, "That is what you said for the prelim too and look what you got."
I would've said this if it came to mind then but it didn't, but anyhow, when the results are released in March next year, he'd see, and so would everyone else.
This time, I know that I'm right.
I don't know how I'm gonna survive the rest of the papers with this first strike hanging over me.
Just end this already.