Take it from me. It's a complete waste of time and money to take an exam that one cannot excel in. What's the point? It's Mathematics, for crying out loud. Dear Yelen, despite your supposed intelligence, you weren't at all smart enough to figure out the crucial fact that you'd NEVER excel in Maths because you were born bad at it. It's inherent. It's intrinsic. It doesn't matter if you know your stuff; as long as Cambridge decides to continue to be an ass and tweak the questions a little, THAT'S IT.
I don't really know why that paragraph up there came out angst-y and all because I don't feel defeated in any way, shape or form. The paper was amazingly atrocious and stupefyingly impossible to do, but all things considered, it wasn't catastophic. I calculated the marks that I've lost whilst they were collecting the scripts and it was like, 27 or so, way less than the 40 for the prelim.
Still, I think I'd be lucky to get an E. Made a dumb ass careless mistake for the last question and another unforgivable mistake for the same question.
Oh, speaking of that last question, I can't believe how cheap Cambridge is. A similar question came out for last year's paper! And I did it! And I knew how to prove the stupid equation today but I had to think, wrongly, that y/y^3 is 1/y^2!
WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I'd been a little bit more awake I would've got that bit all correct. It was that last bit that threw me off. Luckily I got my genius cousin to explain the stupid question to me, or I would've completely killed myself with the vectors question. I hate vectors. It's stupid.
And when I was doing the stupid integration by parts thingy I wrote e^2x instead of 1/e^2x for the dv/dx! So the whole damn thing is wrong! Fuck!
I mean, you'd totally want to murder me if you were me. I did. When I realised why I couldn't prove the stupid equation correctly (ended up copying the thing down after I took away the -2 and writing 'shown' in brackets when I didn't really show) while I was at home, in the toilet, I just wanted to cry.
I so have to do better for Paper 2. I don't want an ugly E/D/or even O on my results slip thing. I highly doubt that I can get a C today. It sucked.
I'm so glad that Maths is my fourth A Level subject, and that my other three are pretty good so I'm not completely screwed, but I think I am pretty screwed because I really wanna get at least a B for this damn subject as I've spent so fucking much time on it but no.
Oh well. I felt a lot worse (physically) after History yesterday than I did after Maths today. At least the hand isn't aching and neither is the head.
I don't believe that I can be defeated by Maths. I refuse to believe it.
Okay, I shouldn't have spent ten million years on that mathematical induction question and should've started over the minute I sensed that something was wrong. I mean I knew that something wasn't right but I kept going on and letting my flawed working lead me further into the depths of Wrongness but...
Oh, what the hell. Why waste time writing about it? I'm just glad that it's almost over.
I wanna go out with a bang. Next Tuesday is going to kill me, but I'm not going to let it kill me. But honestly, whoever thinks that it is humanly possible to sit through a 3-hour Maths paper in the morning and a 3-hour Lit paper in the afternoon is seriously fucked in the head. And Econs Paper 3, aka the paper for which I have to get an A or else, is on the next bloody day.
Oh how lovely.
Stupid assholes who planned the timetable, whoever they are.
And I'm just wishing fervently for everyone to do badly in GP so that the moderation would make a significant difference to my grade. Like, I don't know, from a B3 to an A1 or something.
I think if I keep thinking about GP I'd jump off the building so I will stop thinking about it.
I don't feel like writing anymore.