Because - oh. My. God. I don't know how else to say this, so I will say it bluntly: What is even more incredible about the fact that I received a distinction for my virtual child pornography essay is the fact that I received the said distinction from Kai Moller.
FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY. After one year of crying and whining and throwing hissy fits everytime he gave me a merit, the distinction finally came - and it was for a piece of work that actually matters. Not only has my chance of getting an overall distinction just increased drastically, I also feel a bit better (okay, a lot better) about the merit that he gave me for the CCL: Rights exam. I care a lot more about my written work than the shit that I scribble furiously in an hour from memory with barely any actual thinking in the moment; I put a lot more effort and thought and care and, of course, linguistic flair into my written assignments. Of course, I would prefer not to have got a merit at all, but since we can't get every single thing that we want, I'm glad that the merit was for the exam and that I got a distinction in the thing that I care a lot more about. I don't even care that it was exactly 70; when it comes to this professor, I'm not fussy as long as the first digit is a '7'.
I'm gonna try to get this published. I missed my chance to publish a paper 5 years ago because I was too lazy to work on it, but not this time. At some point, I'm gonna have to stop letting myself be screwed over by my intrinsic and deep-seated laziness, right?
It has been something like six hours since I checked LSE For You and I'm still so happy. I still don't know how I did for Jurisprudence. When I was almost in tears because I thought I'd received an overall distinction, Arnaud reminded me that I needed one unit of merit on top of 2.5 units of distinction - which, in simple terms, means that I need to get at least a merit for Jurisprudence to secure
The other reason for my wanting a distinction as if my life depended on it (it kind of does, in a warped sort of way) - apart from the fact that I have been programmed by my country to care disproportionately about these things - is that I perversely measure my intelligence and validate my self-worth in accordance with my academic achievements. I know it makes no sense; a friend of mine practically beat me over the head with how little sense I was making when I was particularly stressed out one night and whining about how my life would end if I didn't get a distinction. But I don't care if it makes no sense. It is what I want, and that is the only thing that matters.
Oh please please please let me get at least a merit for Jurisprudence. I mean, according to the degree classification thing on the school's website, I am a borderline distinction as it stands, assuming I didn't fail Jurisprudence; but I'm not sure what this means:
Distinction/Merit borderline (scheme paragraph 5.3.2):
Classification for students with mark profiles falling into this range will always be determined to the advantage of the student.
I think I know what it means, but I can see how it can be interpreted to not mean what I think it means. It's a bit ironic that the rule is somewhat vague since it's for a law degree, and lawyers like certainty. I would keep a phrasing deliberately vague if I don't want to commit to a certain position and that's how I'm reading the above.
This is gonna haunt me and bug me until I get my Jurisprudence results. I'm hoping for the best.