anotherlongshot (anotherlongshot) wrote,
anotherlongshot
anotherlongshot

fuck.

You know what I find really, really hard to do?

Ask for emotional support.

I suppose it's not that difficult to send an SMS or start an MSN conversation along the lines of, "I feel lousy. Can you cheer me up?" But no matter how much I want to do it, I just can't bring myself to pick up my phone and enter those words or to double-click on the MSN contact and type those words and then press 'enter'. Sure I feel lousy, and sure I could do with some cheering up, but it doesn't mean that you have to know about it.

I intrinsically dislike putting my vulnerable side on display. Maybe that doesn't quite make sense, since I have this blog and I'm pretty open about my feelings here; but somehow, when it comes to one-on-one interaction with someone else, I would rather hide my vulnerable side than to dissect it and, I don't know, deal with it.

Also? I officially fucking hate eating. Imagine trying to eat when half your fucking mouth isn't fucking working. I am fucking irritated and I really don't care if I died from lack of food right now, because the very act of putting food into my mouth and chewing it? Is fucking painful. And I hate it.

I don't think this is ever gonna get any better.

Tags: bell's palsy
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