anotherlongshot (anotherlongshot) wrote,

update on my face.

So I had my follow-up consultation with the neurologist today and things didn't quite go as well as I was hoping they would. Long story cut short, the nerves have ceased to be inflamed, which means the medication worked. But the recovery process is slower than what he was expecting - I still can't smile, I still can't shut my eye, and I can only raise my left eyebrow by about 30%. The last bit is an improvement from two weeks ago when apparently I couldn't even lift my eyebrow (this I don't remember) so I suppose it's not all bad.

He estimated that it will take six to twelve weeks for 100% recovery, which is definitely way longer than the one month I was hoping for. I was a tiny bit dejected at first, but not so much anymore.

Ever since I woke up with half my face missing, life has been rather different. Apart from the obvious cosmetic aspect of it, I've made tremendous changes to my lifestyle and outlook on things. I sleep at 11-something now and wake up at 9-something, which is a miracle, considering the kind of hours I used to keep. Sure, this is out of necessity more than anything else, mostly because my mom tapes my eye at night and she needs to sleep and everything. But I find that I actually kind of like waking up in the morning. I no longer wake up and feel like my entire day is gone, which was probably true of the days when I used to wake up at 1 in the afternoon.

More importantly, I left the clinic today with a very clear sense of "I don't give a shit how I look". I'm in Year 3 Semester 2 of law school, and prior to the Bell's freaking Palsy, I've never once worn my glasses to school. In fact, I went around telling people that seeing me in glasses is the ultimate threshold of intimacy: if you get to see me wear glasses, then you're probably The One.

How laughable I find it all now. It's just glasses, hello? And it's just my face. I don't give a shit anymore, because even with half a face, I still look better than most people out there.

(You know, sometimes I'm not surprised at all that I'm inflicted with Bell's Palsy, considering the kind of snobbish statements I go around making. Oh well.)

On a more humble note, your degree of self-consciousness with regard to your appearance is as great as you want it to be. I could keep my head ducked in school for the next three months and feel awful about my appearance (which, by the way, is totally getting better: the asymmetry is almost completely gone), or I could hold my head up high and not give a shit about what people think. And I choose to do the latter, because I did not survive these 21 years and build up my confidence and self-esteem just to have it all come crashing down on me due to some stupid flu virus thingy, or whatever the hell decided to mess with my 7th cranial nerve. I'm sorry, but the virus isn't getting the satisfaction I'm sure it wants. So there.

Having said all that, I still feel a bit iffy about the half-smile thing, but I'll just give that time.

On another but related note: OMG I BETTER NOT LOSE MY LEFT DIMPLE.


I must say this about St@nley Ye0: He's damn freaking nice. I basically screwed up my entire presentation for Comparative Crim because I had no idea what the students were talking about when I did the Question/Answer thing (which is what we're all supposed to do), and of course there's this whole problem of trying to speak with half a mouth which was really quite painful and disastrous. But he still gave me a B for the presentation! Hahaha. He's damn nice, seriously. I was expecting C+/B-. Maybe he took pity on me because of the frozen face and everything.

So you see, having half a frozen face totally does have a silver lining. Not only have I applied for special consideration for the Infocoms paper (wholly justified! I felt completely stoned and drained and whacked and shit the entire week), I got a B for what I really think was a shitty presentation. I think I did better for Emergencies last semester and that got me a B-.

But no, I wasn't trying to play the sympathy card. I've gotta explain why I can't pronounce my words, right? I'm not the best speaker around, but I also don't usually speak like this.

It was really hot in the seminar room though and I couldn't stop drinking water.

Anyway, I'm glad the presentation is over!

Since I've slogged over my Chinese essay and the presentation the entire week, and since this weekend is going to be burned up by the Islamic Law take-home exam, I'm not doing anything for the rest of the night.

Oh wait, I still have to edit my Chinese essay. ARGH SHIT. But hopefully that won't take long. And there's American Idol. Which...well, to be honest, there's only one person I care about now, and that's David Cook. Everyone else is just...fodder. I do like Ramiele Malubay, this Filipino contestant with AMAZING pipes and an amazing voice that totally reminds me of Christina Aguilera (because of the power; the tone isn't really the same though) but not the same way I'm totally in FLOVE with David. He actually cut a CD before American Idol but because he's on the show, it's not currently for sale.

KENA SAI OMG I WANT THE CD SHITTTT. I listened to his songs online (none of which are download-able. So sad) and while I can't say that I love them all, there are some that I really like. I think his song-writing could use some work but he has amazing potential, and definitely has the voice of someone whose CD I would TOTALLY buy.

Here's hoping that he DOESN'T win, because I can't bear the thought of him singing some cheesy American Idol coronation shit song. He can make the Top 3 and I'll be happy. Even if it's just Top 5, I'll be happy too. Because, you know, the earlier he's off the show, the faster he can 1) sell his CD and 2) GET A NEW CD OUT OMG!!! Bwahahaha.

Tags: bell's palsy, david cook, law school

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