I haven't noticed how long my fringe is getting ever since I started sweeping it to the left. It was only until today, after I washed my hair and was blow-drying it, that I finally decided to comb it straight down instead of to the left to see how the bangs are doing.
Oh my god. I almost fainted and my eyes were almost stabbed to death. Take a look at this atrocity:
I seriously, seriously need to cut my hair. Not just the bangs, which are obviously in dire need of shortening, but my hair as well. The last time I trimmed my hair was November 30, 2007 (I remember the exact date because it was the day of the Personal Prop paper which also marked the end of the exams). The stylist layered my hair like fuck, and the shorter parts have since grown all over the fucking place and it's super disgustingly messy. It's got to a point where it's a distraction - I'd run my fingers through my hair in class, and when I reach the longer, thinner parts, I'd start inspecting the hair and feeling extremely grossed out that my once-fabulous long hair is now disgusting, unkempt hay! Can you blame me for being upset? Because, I totally cannot blame myself for being upset.
I would love to cut my hair tomorrow, but I can't. Why? Because of Bell's Palsy. I can't imagine how I'm gonna get my fringe trimmed when the left eye still can't shut. It can close, but it can't shut, meaning when I wash my hair and water runs down my face, water still gets into my left eye even though it's closed. Utterly annoying, I tell you. And obviously it won't be fun when hair starts getting into my eye; hence, I can't cut my hair.
It's damn annoying OMG.
On a more positive note, I'm glad that I no longer smile like this:
I find David's half-smile sexy as hell, but my palsied half-smile? Absolutely grotesque. Completely hideous. I am positive I resembled the two-faced villain whose name currently escapes me from Batman. I refused to take pictures of myself for three weeks before my smile started to slowly come back, except this one picture I took of myself trying to close my eye, just to see what it looked like (answer: fucking gross lah wah lau).
But now? Like the picture of me says, LOOK AT THE DIMPLE OHMYGAD! Okay, so it's still a rather faint shadow, but it's coming back! Have I mentioned how afraid I was that I'd lost my dimple forever? I'm not sure if I'm kidding if I say that I won't be the same person without my dimple. I'm utterly shallow, I know, but my dimples are like, you know, a defining physical characteristic, a tool of recognition!
Okay, I'm typing nonsense. Back to the David picture though. I wanted to post a picture of his sexy half-smile which I've personally termed his BP smile for the longest time but was too lazy to Photoshop and upload to Photobucket. Since I'm still deluding myself into believing that I'm super free even though I'm really not, I decided to use the above picture. If you ignore the facial scruff which I really dislike, he looks amazingggg. His eyes are sooo pretty ohmygad.
But what I really want to say is this: I honestly think that another factor for my falling completely head over heels in love with David Cook is because of his faux BP smile. When I first saw his half-smile, my first thought was: "OMG BELL'S PALSY!" Not that I thought he had Bell's Palsy, but that his half-smile was a beautified BP smile. For those three weeks I could only lift the right side of my mouth, exactly like what he's doing in the picture. The difference between me and him, however, is that my mouth couldn't close so I looked like I was grimacing, therefore looking completely ugly. David, though, totally doesn't look ugly. But the point is, as baseless and irrational as this is, a part of me, the part that was shattered by the stupid palsy, felt less alone and sad when it (she?) saw David's half-smile. That part was like, "OMG!!!!! David's sexy half-smile!"
Of course, if I were rational and reasonable at all throughout the whole period, it wouldn't have mattered at all.
But then again: 1) it's David Cook. My whole obsession with him is completely irrational and wholly unreasonable; and 2) it's me. When am I ever not irrational and unreasonable?
On another note, Tris interestingly asked how I was in a comment he left in the previous entry which I will respond to after I type this. Apparently I've been gushing about David too much? Yeah right, too much David = talking about him in every single entry...which...I have been doing. Oops.
But anyway, the lack of emo-shit entries and pretentiously "serious" entries and whiny entries about my face pretty much leads to the conclusion that I'm doing fine. Super fine (ooh Veronica Mars reference!), in fact. How can I not be fine when I'm existing in the same bloody planet as David Cook, right?
Okay, seriously now, the palsy is recovering steadily, and as the picture evidences, I'm well on my way to getting my face back. I'm a firm believer of "everything will fall back into place once the face comes back" so I'm eagerly anticipating the day when I can wear my contacts again and look pretty again, which is, admittedly, a bloody exciting thought. I haven't bothered dressing up for school lately because...well, because I can't be bothered, not to mention I've nothing to wear again 'cause I haven't been shopping, thanks to the palsy. So yep, I'm definitely looking forward to looking hot again, or fooling myself into thinking that I look hot, whichever one prefers.
Apart from that, school is a bitch omg. I realised how absurd my timetable is. I have only three modules left, two of which do not have traditional sit-down-in-a-hall exams, which means that I will have absolutely no excuse anymore if I don't do well for my remaining modules. I mean, I know I'm currently existing in some seriously warped helium-esque David Cook high, but it's absolutely retarded to get shitty grades and then say, "Oh, but erm, the whole time I was kind of obsessed with this amazing singer called David Cook and I had no choice but to screw up my semester." Sorry but that makes absolutely no sense.
So why is school a bitch? Going by what I've said, it should be a breeze, right? Wrong. School is a bitch because, quite simply, it exists. Why does it insist on existing in the same planet and plane as David and I? Hello, school is so totally robbing me of my David time.
Okay, to be honest now, David is so totally robbing me of my school time. Here's the real reason why school's a bitch: I have to present my outline paper for International Law and Asia next Wednesday and I haven't even begun thinking about the topic. I was listening to the presentations on Wednesday and throughout the whole two hours, only one thought existed in my head: "OH MY GOD I AM FUCKING SCREWED."
Because I am fucking screwed. I am absolutely clueless about what to do for my paper, where to go to start researching, what angles I should adopt. As always, I have a stand; I just don't know how to substantiate the stand.
Here's where I need help. The topic is: "South Thailand in the context of international norms." I'm having major problems with the "international norms" part. I didn't take any international law courses; this is the first one, and S!mon T@y didn't really deal with the specifics of international law too much. Basically, I have no idea what the norms are. Are we talking about international humanitarian law? The right to self-determination? International human rights? S!mon T. basically wants me to explore the point at which domestic unrest becomes an international issue and/or a human rights struggle (question: is a human rights struggle an international issue?), which is all well and good and when I talked to him I was all, "Yeah, I could do that."
But I freaking can't. I have no idea what the freaking international norms are. Of course, this could very well be due to the fact that I haven't started on anything, but I'm extremely nervous when I'm faced with the task of writing a paper whose topic throws me into total confusion. I don't have to stick to the exact phrasing of the question, but I'm too lazy to tweak it so I'm just going to stick to it.
So yeah, I would greatly appreciate it if the well-informed could throw me some international norms to get me started. Just, you know, name a few, elaboration not needed. I need this by end of Saturday, Singapore time, which gives me TWO DAYS to come up with something to present for ten minutes.
OHMYGODDDD I WANT TO DIE.
See what I mean about school being a bitch? No wonder I keep gushing over David.
Because I can't stop talking about David, I'd like to say that I'm not a fan of the styling the wardrobe/make-up people did for him for the above picture and the entire photo shoot. I mean, yeah he looks pretty, but he doesn't look like David. The suit and the tie make him look cheesy and his hair is just weird. I get that he's balding, but still, even at his worst, the comb-over didn't look that weird and...unnatural.
Okay, I've made my point. Moving on now.
I can't believe I forgot to mention this. I drank my first cup of coffee in 25 days that day at the airport. Not only did it go down my stomach like acid, therefore giving me weird stomach problems throughout Chinese class, I also felt agitated and jumpy throughout Chinese class.
I haven't felt like drinking coffee since then.
I think it's safe to conclude that I've officially kicked my addiction.
On yet another note, I was saving Joaquin Phoenix pictures to my hard drive earlier on today and I noticed a trend: I'm drawn to pictures where he's either holding a cigarette, or smoking a cigarette.
I find that strange, all things considered. But then again, a cigarette does not diminish the beauty of a gorgeous man in any way, shape or form; on the contrary, the beauty of the gorgeous man evens out the ugliness of the cigarette.
But an ugly guy holding a cigarette? Ew.
I just realised that I still haven't watched Joaquin's We Own the Night, and more tellingly, that I have no idea if it ever came to Singapore. I need the DVD - stat.
Okay, I think I'm done for the night.
Just a reminder - I flove David Cook.
No, seriously, a reminder - I NEED INTERNATIONAL NORMS REALLY BADLY OMG PLEASE HELP ME.
current music: "Holding Court" - Axium (DCook's band) in my head