I think I'm honestly on the verge of a nervous breakdown right now, or tears, or both. I spent the past two days trying to come up with a fucking thesis for the absolutely impossible ILA paper, and it's 8.54 p.m. on Monday night right now, and the presentation is at 9 a.m. on Wednesday, and I have absolutely nothing.
I can't figure out what the issue is, or the problem, or why S!mon T@y seems to think there's an issue. South Thailand in the context of international norms - yeah it's a separatist movement, so right to self-determination, but who needs me to point it out? Isn't it blinkingly obvious? Abuse of human rights - well, duh, once again, you don't need an expert in international law to tell you that much. The fucking situation speaks for its fucking self. Even the international humanitarian law part doesn't have much for me to go on with because, once again, it's bleeding obvious that both sides have violated IHL.
DUH. Is my paper going to be one huge "duh"? Because I can't write a paper like that, let alone come up with a thesis and a stand and a skeletal paper by Tuesday fucking night.
So I was thinking of doing another topic but I have absolutely nothing to do. I don't know what I want to do - that was why I picked a topic from the list. I'm just utterly confused and lost and I don't know what I'm doing and I'm seriously panicking now because the 10-minute presentation is freaking 35% and obviously I can't screw that up.
I'm genuinely considering postponing the presentation to next week but I'm very reluctant to do that because I'm stubborn like that, and I really just want to get this nightmare done and over with. But I'm not sure I can come up with anything to present for even a minute on Wednesday. I'm seriously grasping at straws here and I'm so annoyed and it's not helping at all that I got my period which makes me hormonal which makes me even more annoyed than I would be if I weren't on my period. The annoyance is clearly not helping matters at all, because I simply cannot think straight.
I'm fucking screwed. And when David Cook isn't helping the mood at all, you know that it's really, really, really bad.
I don't know what the problem is. I just can't see what I'm supposed to be analysing. Oh my god I want to fucking kill myself right now. When was the last time I swore this much in an entry? Swearing and meaning it, that is.
Why can't I just anticipate Wednesday to watch David without having to go through the torture that I'm currently undergoing? I hate this. Have I said this already? I hate this. I hate myself. Have I mentioned the part where I just want to fucking kill myself? Because I do - so badly.