I think I will never have a close friend close friend anytime between now and the day that I die and I'm more or less resigned to that fate. Being with people is taxing and stressful; I'm too wary of myself, too conscious of what to say; I can't "be myself" because I don't know who that is; and to be perfectly honest, the only time I feel truly at ease is when I'm alone.
I shy away from intimacy. Sexual attraction and intellectual attraction are always mutually exclusive. The one person I got physically intimate with was also the one person whose IQ was manifestly much lower than mine; the ones that had IQ somewhere around mine (but still lower, I bet), I was never quite inclined to touch, and the mere thought repulsed me. I don't need love to have sex, just a really hot guy willing to see me naked. In fact, love - whatever permutation it takes - will probably be the most potent anti-catalyst.
Joaquin Phoenix won a Golden Globe award (Best Actor, Musical or Comedy, even though Walk the Line is neither a musical nor a comedy), Ang Lee won the Best Director award and...I don't care about anything else.
I have to watch Brokeback Mountain. Since it's a gay movie it's definitely going to be R(21) here, so I guess my only choice is to download it. Ang Lee is cool (Li An) because he's Taiwanese, and because he's Chinese.
I still adore Zhang Ziyi but the whole Ziyi Zhang thing seems to be a bit of a sell-out. Way to go to sell out your own culture, just to fit in with Hollywood homogenised one. I hate it when Western-based online forms and email programmes and things along those lines get the order of my name mixed up, and I also hate how the English-speaking world automatically reverses Japanese names, so that Hamasaki Ayumi becomes Ayumi Hamasaki, even though it's also surname first with them. It's annoying, to say the very least; to tell the truth I find it very disrespectful. And the whole Memoirs of a Geisha thing? For one, I don't read popular fiction and so I have nothing to say about the book, except that it's Popular Fiction and thus, Enough Said. For another, getting Chinese actresses to play Japanese characters, not to mention Japanese cultural icons? Oh, I'm sorry, I must've forgotten how culturally retarded Hollywood is. Seriously, fuck Hollywood and its insipid, run-of-the-mill, rehashed crapfest movies. Big budget films are, 99% of the time, a big waste of money and nothing more. Donate your funds to African countries! Help the poor! Do something useful with those millions! Because such movies truly epitomise the decadence and wasteful filth of the First World.
That said, I'm still going to watch Geisha because I still like Zhang Ziyi. She's still one of my favourite actresses. I intend to watch it, but if I can't squeeze out time to watch it I'll just wait for it to hit my local HBO. I mean, it's directed by the dude that gave us the mess that was Chicago. How credible can it possibly be?
Anyway, moving on to Joaquin. I was head-over-heels obsessed with him back in secondary school because he's hot and an amazingly gifted, natural, nuanced and tortured actor who expresses a whole range of emotions with minimal acting. I'm not obsessed anymore but I still admire his work very much, and I also admire him as a person. The whole alcohol rehab thing was a bit of a shock, but then again, that man smokes like a freaking chimney. I loved him in The Village, I watched Ladder 49 purely because of him, and I can't wait for Walk the Line. I'd probably lobby Brokeback Mountain for that Best Picture Oscar over WtL, simply because it's Li An and he's Chinese/Taiwanese and you know, Chinese chauvinistic pride and rah rah rah, but I still reeeally wanna watch that movie. I watched a clip from it while watching Joaq on Letterman, and he's Johnny Cash and singing with his guitar to a group of prisoners and he embodies the spirit and character so well that it really takes your breath away, especially if you've seen 19 out of 22 of his movies.
I stayed up last night watching the Golden Globes just to see him accept the award. I sat through boring acceptance speeches after yawn-inducing acceptance speeches; an hour wasted on people I couldn't give less of a damn about; and John Travolta (who starred opposite Joaq in Ladder 49, a thoroughly abysmal and sentimental [as in sentimentality] movie) announced the winner with the words "my friend Joaquin Phoenix", and Joaq goes up and his hair is shaggy, his attire slightly dishevelled, and it's slightly reminiscent of the 2001 Oscars during which his tie was crooked the entire time (I know this because I sat through 4 hours' worth of shit just to catch 3-second glimpses of him whenever the camera focused on him), except this time he actually won the award, and I think he's one of the most underrated actors working today because he is truly so beautiful and talented, and my dad keeps insisting that he looks evil, and his speech borders on arrogant indifference and I loved that, even if that was just an impression.
I just read a short article about him being unable to find a girlfriend because people know details about his life, and it's so funny because 1) I thought he was with some South African model but I guess that's old and dead news; and 2) I'd totally date him in a heartbeat. Oh, yeah. I used to say that he was still single because he was waiting for me to show up in New York to sweep him off his feet; but that doesn't work too well for me anymore, since I'm already 19 and I said that when I was 16 under the assumption that I'd be in New York by now and up til now I've not gone anywhere near Europe, let alone NY.
This entry is more or less useless.
Happy birthday Ruishan. Her birthday surprise almost made me cry. I'm retarded, I know.
Everyone should see that freaky picture of her head sticking out of the witness stand thingy (we were at the moot court). Photoshop it a little and it'd totally look like a scene out of your classic horror movie! I wish I had that picture but I don't even have damn camera so yeah.
I am supposedly very busy this week and the next. I was supposed to read the criminal law cases but when I got to the part where the judge explains the difference between section 299 and section 300 of the Penal Code, I decided to write ths entry. And yes, it's taken more than 30 minutes. What a waste of time. There's also American Idol tonight, two hours' worth of hilarious off-key and out-of-tune singing, which I'm definitely watching so that's another two hours wasted.
I hate reading cases. Criminal law cases only serve to make me feel terribly sad. In Tham Kai Yau v. Public Prosecutor a 13-year-old boy had to witness his father hacked and slashed to death by a group of four, maybe five. It's so sad, it really is.
You know what I think we should do with murderers? Send them to African countries, and bring a poor African family over in exchange. That'd certainly be equitable, wouldn't it?
Well, then again, I'm also the girl that secretly supports anarchy (not as in chaotic lawlessness, but in its pure form) and thinks that society is useless so maybe it's just me.
I have to stop writing.
Oh, Jielun's Huo Yuan Jia EP comes out this Friday. Yay. It comes with a DVD - like, about time you upgraded your music videos VCD! VCDs are useless. Yes, they are.
Also, one last thing: The Veronica Mars Marsathon held in Austin, Texas, over the weekend? I so wish I were there. Being the socially awkward me I wouldn't know what to say to Kristen Bell, Jason Dohring, Michael Muhney and Rob Thomas, but to be in their presence would be exactly enough. Sigh.