School was absolute shit and that more or less set the mood for the rest of the day. Rain at times like these hasn't felt more comforting or uplifting. Colour me weird.
Barely listened in Public Law. Just when I thought I could finally crawl out of it, the academic quicksand grabs me by the feet and pulls me back in. (A bit tired of saying 'academic suicide'.)
And I was just thinking a few weeks back, before school started, that Public Law would be the module to save me from my perpetual eight-credit C-hell. Wishful thinking.
I wish I could explain my new-found angst towards school but I can't and so I won't bother trying.
Skipped dinner, basically. Bought a baguette/baquette from DeliFrance. The girl there pissed me off. I grabbed the long bread, whipped out a two from my pocket and gave it to her. She went, "Pay at the cashier please."
There was a fucking queue at the fucking cashier and I was buying a fucking $2 dollar fucking bread. What the fuck? Who the fuck rejects payment for their goods? I must've looked damn pissed off, because all I said was, "Can I just pay for this?" and she was all, "Okay, sorry."
I passed my final theory. Whatever.
Someone asked me out for a movie. Like a date. Uh, excellent timing, dude. Too bad I'm kind of not single.
Went back to Jurong Junior. Waste of time. 99% of the teachers that taught me are gone. Good for them to be out of that culturally-starved cesspit, then. Lunch in the canteen was good, company was good, the fruits stall lady still remembers me, and still calls me 'mei nu'. Hurhur. She joked about Simon and I being an item. Half funny, half horrifying. Can you imagine dating your best friend (best male friend, that is)? Yeah, I know. Ew.
Mel is my rock. She's the best friend because she's the one that understands and doesn't judge when all is said and done.
I think I kind of left Simon out a little. Sorry Simon. I'll make it up to you, somehow.
Squandered more money on booze. Fuck, I have to stop doing this, or stop getting the urge to do this, or stop failing to resist the urge to do this. Skipped the bottled stuff. Don't know what a bottle opener looks like, wouldn't know it's one if it stared me in the face, hence opted for something easier to open. A can. Like soft drinks. "Soft drinks" - now that's a euphemism for you. The first time I opened a bottle, I used a screw driver - after trying all sorts of desperate methods, like attempting to unscrew it with my bare hands, attempting to yank the cap off by propping it on the edge of my table (like what they do on TV but of course TV lies), attempting to pry the cap off using a can opener. I'm not in a good mood tonight.
Passed final theory and didn't feel like going home. Called Mom and made up some ass story about having dinner with a friend, then took the first bus that pulled up at the bus stop and it let me to wherever. Turned out "wherever" was Boon Lay. Jurong Point. Fuck, I was just there for five minutes with Mel hours ago. Seriously, I can't even be depressed properly? What the hell. Was gonna take 178 to the Rail Mall just for the hell of it (there are a couple of pubs there) but it took forever to come and my stomach hurt so I took the MRT back.
Waste. Of. Time.
I don't feel like I exist. I feel like I don't exist.
I'm turning into someone I despise. Weak and pathetic. Ah, brace yourself for a new identity. How fun and exciting, time to bring out the balloon animals. I miss Veronica Mars. When's it starting again? Way too late.
Jurong Junior is almost completely foreign. We looked at the list of teachers and their extension codes and I swear I recognised a grand total of four names. Razal has left for Pioneer. Even the Transparent Woman (so christened because she had this habit of blocking the overhead projector when lecturing Economics - which more or less meant no one listened to her) and Mel's Econs tutor who taught me AO Maths first three months are gone. The people you'd least expect to leave, ultimately leave anyway, and this applies to more than just teachers moving on to greener pastures.
And Arthur Kok. Have you any idea how much I miss him? Whenever I think back to that huge, HUGE crush I had on him I don't know if I should laugh or cry. But something good did come out of it: The A1 in GP. Objectively, I might've been able to get it either way, since it's like, General Pointlessness and hence completely braindead, but he did help me along quite a bit, even giving me a 48/50 for some random essay I did just for kicks on movies vs. films. I know, how exciting my life was if I resorted to writing GP essays for entertainment. Whatever. And, yeah, he's just amazing. It was funny how I detailed every single encounter I had with him in school, including really, really insignificant and minute ones, like, "I saw Mr. Kok coming out of the staffroom today. He looked soooo good OMG!!11!one1!one!!!!"
Yeah, well, I was...what, seventeen? I hadn't even turned eighteen yet. Suffice to say I don't do it anymore.
He also wrote brilliantly, spoke such impeccable English, which only figured since he taught GP and was a Lit/English major, so that really, really added to his appeal. I still remember how awestruck I was when I read this piece he wrote for some crappy school magazine, because the language was just really impressive.
I've always been attracted to writers.
I wish I could freeze time. I'm never going back to Jurong anymore; it's too disheartening, the harsh reality of the way time keeps moving and leaves you behind. I said to Simon, half in jest, "I feel like I'm increasingly bei tao tai." And I do. And it's not the same anymore; the campus looks different; they installed some stupid water fountain thingy in the middle of nowhere and the containers are gone. And the biggest sycophant ever is now the vice-principal. If there's ever a definitive example of injustice and hilarity, that'd be it. I don't remember how LT4 looks, let alone where it is. And as much as you want to soak in the atmosphere and relive all the good times you had there, the way you're not in uniform and your skirt is so fucking short (well, this ain't new, but the short skirt is now denim) and your nails are painted bright red make you stick out like sore thumb, an alien, and so the truth of the matter is you don't belong anymore. It's moved on without you, so just grin and bear it and...I don't know, forget. Whatever.
Ran into a guy I once knew from Jurong Junior when I was at Boon Lay interchange. Message from him on Friendster: "Never did expect to see you at jurong point. i always thought you had this " pls get me outta the jurong dump thing. or is it just jjc. LOL."
Eh, I think it was a bit of both. Then again, it was mostly Jurong Junior. I was going to buy the Jurong Junior sweater until I saw that it has 'JJ' stitched on the left breast. Yeuch. I hate the ridiculousness of the official dropping of the 'c' (hence I call it Jurong Junior).
I can't remember how I knew him. In any case, I didn't know a lot of the Science people that knew me, or knew my face, or knew a name to attach to my face. But yeah, we talked occasionally here and there when I was in Year 1 but I think he left for Singapore Poly or whatever a while later. I'm fuzzy on the details. He was cool though; always had a squash racquet with him.
Speaking of squash, I miss Tong.
I feel like dying. I feel like I'm dead.