Life in Singapore has been pleasant (apart from the weather and our friendly neighbour known as Indonesia polluting the shit out of our air). I met a lot of friends on Sunday - went to Chloe's in the morning to see her and her baby, and then ALL THE WAY to Serangoon to have lunch with some of my secondary school friends and their boyfriends/husband. Carine brought her one-year-old son who was probably the most adorable baby in the entire history of ever. He smiled and giggled at everyone and it was just impossible not to like him.
Chloe's baby was so tiny and precious. He's not a month old yet and he was asleep when we (Ruishan and me) arrived, so we didn't have to go through the wailing and crying which Chloe has to endure - which of course enhanced the baby's cuteness for me; I don't really enjoy listening to a baby cry.
I was simultaneously put off and attracted to the idea of having children. The act of giving birth definitely scares the crap out of me, as well as the toughness of the first few months when the baby wakes up in the middle of the night crying; at the same time, I think it'd be really cute if I had a little Mini-Me with blue eyes (from Wouter, obviously) to dress up in pretty clothes and show off to everyone around me. Apart from that, though, my mother instincts are still zero.
Sunday only served to drive home how different the lives of some of my friends are from mine. Some of them are married, some with kids, everyone has a stable job; and I'm still trying to make the next step happen. I think, though, that I am very fortunate to be in a position to choose what I want to do with my life. I don't have any financial burdens because my parents have taken care of everything and are healthy - and it's precisely for this reason that I don't want to waste my good fortune doing a mundane job just for the income like everyone else, doing something that I don't care for when I could be doing something else that I care deeply for, even if it is looking uncertain at the moment.
I just want to be happy. Don't we all?
Wouter will visit me in Singapore next week. I can't wait. I miss him so much! After spending the first two days at his house post-vacation feeling sad that I didn't have the chance to miss him anymore, I finally get to miss him again - and I really miss him. I miss being able to act retarded around him, I miss seeing him all the time, I miss hurtng my ass on the back of his bike, I miss kissing him, I miss holding his hand, I miss talking to him, I even miss washing his cups and plates and cutlery for him, and taking out and hanging his laundry for him, waiting for him to come home to have dinner together...
I love him with all my heart. I went to my uncle's place for lunch and my cousin made really yummy pesto pasta. When I learned that she didn't put pine nuts in her pasta, my first thought was, 'Oh my god, Wouter can eat this!' (He's allergic to nuts.) I think about him all the time. I can't believe how quickly I got used to living with him. Now I miss him like crazy. He's the most perfect boyfriend ever.