Writing tends to take a back seat these days becuse it is so easy to stop the habit, to do something brainless and mindless at night (e.g. watch the new season of America's Next Top Model), instead of making the effort to gather my thoughts or to simply write a crappy entry about my day. The one truth, really, is that I am simply perenially lazy. Sometimes I really think that I can't help it.
I'm in London. I've been in London for the past week or so. I came to London for the purpose of doing the OSCE part of the QLTS assessments. Can I just say first how bloody delighted, happy and overjoyed I am that it is finally over? I am SO bloody delighted, happy and overjoyed that it is finally over.
As to my prediction of the results...I think it suffices to say that after Part 1 of the assessment which consisted of a client intervie and an oral presentation/advocacy on business, property & probate and criminal & civil litigation, I was reminded of all the reasons I left practice and all the reasons I never liked it. My PMS definitely had a part to play, but all the same, it brought back those nasty feelings of inadequacy that I felt in my first two years of law school and when I was working as a lawyer. If anything, these exams further reinforced that I really don't want to be a lawyer - which makes it even more fucking retarded that I wasted my parents' money on trying to qualify as a solicitor in England & Wales. I guess I'll take it as a lesson learned, though, and just let it go when I eventually find out that I failed the exams.
Why oh why did I decide to study law? Why?
The corollary to that is that my PhD proposal sucks and I am already sick of it and I haven't been accepted to a PhD programme yet and I'm already going crazy and ready to murder my topic. It makes me wonder if I'm cut out for it. What does it say about me when I'm struggling so badly to write the proposal? I wish it would write itself. I'm so over it...and yet, I have to finish it within the next 10 days or so (hopefully sooner) because of deadlines and such. I'm so exhausted already. The past two months have been 99% about QLTS and PhD. I am mentally drained, but I can't check out yet because there are still deadlines to meet. I guess the upside is that one of the two major stress factors is over; but the downside is that the PhD is the bigger stress factor because I actually care about it.
I am over the LSE library. I felt so unmotivated sitting there today and pretty much did nothing. What a good use of my time in London. I am so idiotic.
Part 2 of the OSCE assessment was a lot better. It was on research, writing and drafting; and once I found the law on Westlaw, I could answer the questions. My main issue with these tests was that I didn't know the law because I couldn't remember it (and I couldn't remember it because it's boring), so having access to Westlaw and Lexis was a great help, even if I only had 30 minutes to write a letter of advice to an imaginary client and basically had no time to research the legal position properly. It was like real life in the sense that you just made things up when you didn't know what the answer was and hoped to hell you hit the mark, somewhat. During the criminal litigation advoacy test, I said at the beginning that 'there is a general right to bail under the criminal law' but didn't have an authority in support because I couldn't remember it. After I was done reading from my paper, the assessor asked me for the authority. I said, 'I don't have it in mind right but which I apologise for, but I believe it's...the Bails Act?'
I guessed right, sort of. It's the Bail Act, no 's', and the section is section 4.
The litigation drafting/research/writing was the easiest part out of the entire QLTS, including the MCT. The research was straight forward; the writing allowed me to do one of the few things I liked about practice, i.e. write a bitchy letter to the Prosecution pointing out in a passive-aggressive manner what they are getting completely wrong; and the drafting was simply to draft a statement of claim. I had Atkin's court forms opened in Lexis so that made life easier.
Anyway, that's done. I will know in a couple of months if I did enough. I would probably forget all about it then. We shall see.
The only reason I have time to write now is because Wouter is in Madrid for two days. I think it is true somtimes that absence makes the heart grow fonder; or maybe there is something about London that somehow magnifies one's aloneness. I felt kind of sad today that he wasn't around even though I thought I was looking forward to some alone time. Not so much, apparently.
He's been super patient throughout this whole thing. Sometimes I wonder if he puts me on a pedestal; sometimes I wonder if I wonder that because I don't think that I am inherently lovable. Whatever it is, he is super sweet and he's been taking great care of me. He's taken care of everything. He's just amazing.
We went to Nightjar last night. My first drink was disgusting and second drink was amazing. I love these Prohibition era-styled cocktail bars! We wanted to go to Whistling Shop with Boaz (who was here for the QLTS too) but it was closed for a private function. Alas! I was happy to finally go to Nightjar after hearing Heike rave about it during the LLM year and living so near it (literally 3 minutes away from my flat) and never visiting it. I liked it. I hope Wouter did too.
Lastly, I unfortunately ran into the ex in the LSE library and I couldn't understand for a second why that relationship ever happened. He was combative and accusatory and seeking an apology that I will never give, talking loudly about my personal life as if it's any of his business and not caring who was around to overhear, and caring zero percent when I mentioned that my grandmother passed away (he met my grandmother). What a right prick. The thought of him disgusts me to the core. I don't know what I was thinking, how low I must have sunk to have done that. I feel so dirty now. I need a shower.
Lastly for real: me and Wouter are watching The Mousetrap tomorrow. I CAN'T WAIT!