Want to know what's worse than being drunk?
Not being drunk enough. Because you end up remembering all the embarrassing shit you did while you were drunk-but-not-drunk-enough-not-to-rememb
Seriously, as bits and pieces of last night come back to me, there's only one thing I can do: Cringe in embarrassment. It was so bad. Ladies' night is EVIL because drinks are free flow and that gives you no excuse not to drink it up, especially when it's the last time you're going to stay out on a Wednesday night, go to Double O for free drinks then to Zouk for fun. You know?
Okay, I'm just making lousy excuses for myself. What I did was utterly inexcusable, horribly wrong, and I am NEVER having four (or was it five? I can't remember) tequila shots in a row ever again, right after a bourbon coke, a shot of Exotic 51, and followed by another shot of Exotic 51. The thing is, Double O wasn't very crowded and after some waiting I managed to get to the front of the bar, directly in front of the bartender (who was quite cute actually), and directly behind me were Baoyue, Rachel and Serene. For some reason the thought of drinking Exotics the whole night seemed a bit sian, so I ordered four shots of tequila. After we downed that, Baoyue was all, "Quick order another round!"
And so on and on it went. I think I hogged that prime spot for about half an hour. And all I had to do was to yell "hello!" at the bartender and he'd take my order. So it was shots after shots, until this bunch of Caucasian chicks pushed up behind us, one of whom asked me if I could make some space for her at the bar, she'd been waiting for a very long time, and she needed me to make space because, in her words, Caucasian girls are fat.
By that time I was already so gone that I couldn't remember Baoyue's orders. When sober, I don't play well with numbers; so imagine how difficult it was for me to remember how many tequila shots I had to order, how many beers, how many whatever else. So I told that girl, "We're leaving soon! This is our last drink!" and gave my spot to Baoyue. I relegated myself to the side of the bar, next to Serene. Everything was a blur - the entire room was spinning, I was giggling to myself at absolutely nothing, and next thing I knew I was slouched against the wall outside the toilet talking to Veron. Like, wha? Where did she come from?
I vaguely recall talking to her...if you could call that talking. She laughed at me and said I was drunk. I don't remember if I agreed or denied it.
But I remember linking arms with Serene, walking out of Double O towards the cab stand, and Serene being all high and declaring that we weren't drunk and that we were just very high. I couldn't walk straight. At all. I remember saying hi to a group of guys seated at a high table at Wine Connection but I honestly don't remember if they were another friend's exchange buddies or total, complete strangers. They were all, "Are you all right?" And I insisted that I was fine.
I kept insisting that I was fine, such that Serene and I actually got into a cab in our horribly inebriated state and got to Zouk. Not only did we get to Zouk, we got into Zouk. Arms linked, I held on to Serene for dear life and pretty much stumbled my way into the club. I vaguely remember the doorman (men? I can't remember how many there were) saying, "You're drunk."
I think I was pushing people out of my way. And I don't remember the exact sequence of events, just random bits and pieces of things that I know happened. Like how I was probably pushing people out of my way and we actually managed to walk one round around the club and how some Indian guy pushed me and yelled at me. What the fuck?
Like how, also, while we were waiting for everyone else to arrive at the staircase landing (the only safe spot in Zouk, I think) outside the entrance to Phuture, I dropped my brand-new phone which somehow caused my handphone accessory to fall out too, and amazingly I actually bent down and picked it up. Throughout the entire night I had very vague recollection of me doing that and it turned out that I really did pick it up and put it in my bag because it was there when I checked this morning.
Like how, too, Baoyue and Yuenmei called me on my cell a few times but I couldn't hear what they were saying and I couldn't say anything coherent so I passed the phone to Serene who talked to Baoyue for a while after which my phone died.
Like how Serene kept telling me not to stick out my tummy because it was very ugly. Or something. I think she also mentioned something about attracting guys? I have no idea.
Like how before my phone died Kenneth messaged me and I read his text but didn't comprehend what he was saying, and I passed my phone to Serene who read his text and was like, "Who's Kenneth? I don't know who Kenneth is." The words "West Mall" somehow stuck in my mind, as did the fact of him texting me and me reading his text, and I managed to text something back but I didn't remember what it was. And so throughout the entire night, throughout my immense drunkenness, I kept asking Serene, "Did Kenneth message me? Kenneth messaged me right? Did I reply? I think I should reply to his message." Oh, my god. How embarrassing.
And I came home, charged my phone, woke up at 5.45 a.m., turned on my phone, just to discover to my absolute horror that I texted him this in reply: "Haha I'm like drunk right now. I'll get cal to you when I'm sober." 'Cal' because I missed out the 'c' on 'back'.
I guess the upside is, I can still spell and I'm still anal about proper spelling even when I'm drunk.
And then we got out of Zouk to look for the rest of them, and then I was slumped over a marble elevation on the pavement, in front of a carpark in front of some building. Everyone was there, one of us was completely knocked out, and another one of us was telling everyone how much she loved us all. At first I sat on the elevation, then my head felt too heavy for me to hold up properly so I sat on the pavement and folded my arms across the elevation and rested my head on my arms. I think I fell asleep for a while. Someone asked Lynnette to get water and she came back with two big bottles of water. I have no idea where she got them from. Baoyue woke me up and asked me to drink water and spilled water over my left foot and I kept harping about having water in my shoe. And I kept trying to turn on my phone for whatever reason but it was completely flat and at the back of my drunken mind I was worried that it was dead because I dropped it. And then Baoyue got hold of my handbag and passed it to Lynnette and Mabel.
And Mabel. It was my first time seeing her in years and I said hi to her four times. And I was aware that I'd already noticed and said hi to her the subsequent three times, such that everyone was like, "This is the fourth time, Yelen!" when I went, "Hey, isn't that Mabel?" And I nodded and held up four fingers, like, I know.
Yuenmei suddenly showed up in front of me, along with two of her cute British cousins. I think I rambled some drunken nonsense to her but I don't remember. I do remember, however, and rather vividly, suddenly feeling something vile rising up the back of my throat into my mouth and next thing I knew, I was throwing up all over the fucking pavement. It was disgusting. The taste of tequila plus lemon, horribly distorted, and the stench - oh my god. It was my first time puking in years and I don't ever want to puke ever again.
Then I was rambling about needing tissue and how I had some tissue in my bag (how I remembered that I have no idea) and someone passed me tissue. I think it was Yuenmei. I think I dropped it into my pool of puke but I snatched it up fast enough so it wasn't that gross.
And I also remember, inter alia, banging my head against the sharp edge of that marble elevation thingy; holding on to the flagpole, sitting on the spotlight and wondering why it was so hot; swearing very loudly and for no reason and at nothing and Serene telling me to stop swearing; saying hi and hello and waving to random people, especially members of the opposite sex; sitting next to Serene and declaring out loud and obnoxiously, "There are no cute guys around! This is damn sad. Why are there no cute guys around?" to which Serene concurred; Baoyue telling me that I must not puke all over myself because I was going to be a lawyer and that was not glam; me declaring to the world at large, "I'm going to be a lawyer! This is so unglam!"; being utterly unable to close my bag because I couldn't figure out where the clasp was; Serene telling me that I shouldn't say hi to strange guys; repeating "this is bad" and "my dad's gonna kill me" and telling Lynnette and Veron that I couldn't go home in that state 'cause my dad would kill me; asking Serene about, inter alia, Kenneth's text message (I don't know why I was so fixated with it!) and that stupid fuckhole who pushed me in Zouk; and I'm sure I said and did a lot of other things which I don't remember anymore.
I'm particularly tickled by how I declared to no one that I was going to be a lawyer.
And somehow, I honestly have no freaking idea how, Serene and I got back into Zouk. We went back into Zouk. It was just the two of us and I think we were trying to look for Baoyue, Yuenmei and Yuenmei's cousins, and we pushed our way through the crowd from one end of Zouk (Mambo area) to the other. And we ended up next to the podium, me next to some guy who wasn't very tall and didn't look local. I was still high, still rather drunk, and so I take absolutely NO responsibility for my subsequent actions.
There was space on the podium, see? And everyone was dancing, me and Serene included. And the guy next to me kept eyeing me and looking at me. And then someone - I can't remember who - asked, "Want to go up?" I was like, "Hell no!" The guy next to me said, "Just go up!" And then Serene had got up there and the guy was helping me up and then I was up there. On the fucking podium. On Mambo night. When I DON'T EVEN CLUB.
Have I driven home the point that I was really really really fucking drunk?
But the good thing about being so high up was that it helped us see a lot better. I.e., Serene spotted Baoyue and Gang which probably wouldn't have happened if we'd stayed down, because they went down the stairs by the left side of the podium while Serene and I were on the right. So, you know, some good came out of my utterly and excruciatingly embarrassing act.
Or at least that's what I'm trying to tell myself so just shut up please thank you.
Anyway, I looked across at the other podium where a group of guys, probably regulars, were dancing, and as per usual, I started laughing really hard. And pointing. Laughing and pointing. Which wasn't a good idea considering where I was which I obviously completely forgot about, so the moral of the story is, TEQUILA IS BAD. VERY VERY BAD. FREE FLOW OF TEQUILA IS CATASTROPHIC.
Because remember that guy next to me? Well the entire time he was looking at me. Serene and I got off the stupid podium after a while and joined everyone else on the dance floor and That Thing You Do came on as did We Will Rock You and everything was good because everyone was high, and then that guy stretched out his hand and, um, this is really quite embarrassing for me to type because I'm still cringing at my recollection of the whole thing, and I went over to him and that was how I ended up, firstly, dancing with a completely random person and subsequently, giving my fucking number to said completely random person.
ARGHHHHHHH. He attempted to talk to me but it was too noisy and I was still rather drunk, but I managed to catch what he said about being from Nepal. When I heard that my first thought was, "Fuck, my first boyfriend was Nepalese. I'm not doing another Nepalese, dammit." And he wasn't that cute, and the whole thing was really just quite cheesy in retrospect.
Have I mentioned that tequila is evil? Because it is. It really, really is. Thankfully he hasn't called me and I hope HE NEVER DOES. I keyed in my digits into his cell and he scrutinised it and was like, "There are only 7 digits." (He could've said 'number', I don't know.) I stared at it and it seemed to resemble my phone number and I was like, "No there are 8!" And truth be told? I cannot tell you with any certainty at all if it was 7 or 8; my mind registered my phone number, but I was also still drunk so, who knows?
More importantly, who cares? Serene was telling me to be careful when we started to leave and I was all, "I'm gonna blow him off in the morning."
Tequila? Never again. And I totally mean it this time.
At 2.30 a.m. Serene and I got out of there. Outside, we met Baoyue again who was taking care of a friend and the night didn't go down so well for her too. A friend of hers came out to meet her and we were introduced and while walking towards a cab, I pointed out my puke to him. Hahaha. Baoyue was like, "She's now sober enough to tell you that that's her puke."
How disgustingly unglam.
My dad also didn't kill me. I'm quite amazed. I got to my condo and went into the toilet downstairs and started drinking tap water in an attempt to sober myself up. UGH! How horrifying.
What a horrifyingly unglam and uncomfortable and sickening night. But then again, I've had my requisite night of drunkenness, albeit minus debauchery (I don't think dancing with a random person and keeping everything rated G counts), and that is really quite enough for me. The puking, the yelling 'hello' to random people, the inability to walk in a straight line, drunken text messages whose contents I don't remember...not fun at all. Oh, and who could ever forget the embarrassing stunt I pulled at Zouk?
On the bright side, my phone was dead so I couldn't drunkenly call up people I shouldn't call up and ramble drunkenly into the phone. And even better? I didn't even once get the urge to drunkenly call up people I shouldn't call up. I didn't even think about those people. And I took a route that I thought would be painful to take to Double O, such that I almost wanted to MRT to Clarke Quay and attempt to find my way there but my laziness won in the end, and it was really nothing.
It wasn't such a bad night after all. I'd do it again, just without the tequila shots and the giving my number to uncute strange Nepalese guys. It was having the people around me that really counted, ultimately.
So, yes, my last clubbing experience for now and that was how it went down. The next time I club, it'd probably be the next semester break, haha. Because I have classes on Thursdays, dammit. How sad.
It's 9.06 now and I've spent way too much time on this entry and I don't feel like writing anymore. Suffice it to say as a parting shot, though: Tequila - never again.