Ever since my internship ended I haven't had the urge to update this. Apart from getting drunk last Wednesday, nothing of particular importance or interest has happened and I'm really quite tired of writing dry narrations of my day-to-day activities.
Additionally, I'm also quite tired of whoring my emotions online because I don't really feel the inclination to do it anymore. It used to be slightly cathartic when the people who read this were total strangers, WAY before people who know me in real life had access to this journal. But now that 99% of the folks who read me are my friends, that unbridled freedom to just let loose online has been reigned in considerably, significantly. And it doesn't help that law school is what it is: a hotbed for gossip, rumours, and people who talk about other people behind their backs. It's okay if it's just about me because I really couldn't care any less; but it's a different story altogether when it involves someone else.
I remember how two years ago, right before I started law school, I wrote an entry about the welcome tea I attended and how I thought the guys there were completely CMI (Cannot Make It) and how I was so totally not attending orientation. A senior left a message in my guestbook, warning me against making such comments on my blog because, essentially, "word gets around". At that time I didn't fully get what he (I assume it was a he; I never got around to finding out who it was) meant and I didn't think the situation was as bad as he'd described; but ever since Year 2 Semester 2, the true implication of his words of warning have definitely sunk in - deeply.
I have begun writing in my diary again and I find it much more fulfilling and therapeutic than this space. Not to say I'd stop writing here completely, because this is a habit that I can't break, an addiction I can't kick, and I have no intention of doing so; just to say that I won't be updating as much as before. The frequency of the updates have gone down considerably anyway, especially this past week after the internship ended. I simply do not have anything interesting to say that is for public consumption.
I didn't turn on my laptop at all yesterday and I survived. How amazing.
Also been reading old diaries and I'm amazed by how much I've grown since 2 years ago. I'm similarly amazed by how different a person I am now as compared to the person I was in, say, January. Not January, even; I'd say April, May, even June. Because:
Veronica Voiceover: Tragedy blows through your life like a tornado, uprooting everything, creating chaos. You wait for the dust to settle and then you choose. You can live in the wreckage and pretend it's still the mansion you remember....Or you can crawl from the rubble and slowly rebuild; because after disaster strikes, the important thing is that you move on.
Of course, Veronica goes on to say, "But if you're like me, you just keep chasing the storm." I'm tired of chasing; I've moved on to crawling from the rubble, slowly rebuilding.
And so school is starting and I'm quite excited. I've read the distributed article for Seminar 1 of Emergencies and Legal Theory (I must say, it was quite a waste of time) and I'm quite excited about the module because it's all really theoretical stuff, which is fun. It also kind of makes up for me chickening out on taking Jurisprudence because there's some legal theory involved, obviously. And Evidence is quite interesting and so I hope I don't get the dude I got for Admin Law last semester; I'd just so totally die of fucking boredom. And...yeah. Stuff like that.
There's no such thing as a disaster until you die, really. And it's true, the cliche: What doesn't kill you can only make you stronger.
title from: you stole my money honey by Stereophonics