I so can't be bothered about my essay anymore, I can't even begin to describe how can't be bothered I am. It is, quite honestly, the absolute worst essay I've ever written in my entire four years of law school, perhaps my entire life. I know I say this all the time and practically after every assignment, but this time, I mean it. I know I say that all the time too, but boy, if you had a glimpse into my working process for 10 seconds, you'd completely agree with me.
It's either a testament to my staunch belief in my abilities, or an outrageous manifestation of my laziness, when I start writing my assignment at 1 a.m. on Thursday when it's due on Friday 4 p.m., and finish it 1 a.m. on Friday - and I have genuinely no intention to change the content. Even if I wanted to, I don't have the time anyway - and the reason I can even do this, cut so close to the deadline, is because I have no intention of changing the substantive content of what I've written in the first place. Effectively, I'm submitting an edited version of the first draft, the editing being, of course, the excruciating process in which I tear my hair out trying to cut out words and keep to the word limit.
The thing is, I've been doing this for four years, submitting first drafts. Public Law assignment instantly comes to mind: writing my essay at 4 p.m. the day before it was due and pulling an all-nighter and finishing it at 6 a.m. without actually finishing it; I botched the last bit because I was too tired, and that last bit was boring anyway. That wasn't fun, believe me, and it's precisely because it wasn't fun, as well as the fact that I was awarded a B+ for it, that I remember it so well. I don't remember as well subsequent first drafts, though the recent Intelligence Law exam was also a first draft. Then again, I don't think the 12-hour time frame lent very much to one's desire to have more than one drafts.
The only assignment I submitted that wasn't a first draft was the Emergencies term paper - and that got me an A+. A lesson, I think, can be learned here. Put in the effort, put in the time, put in the brain cells, actually think about what you're writing.
So, yeah, I guess I know I'm totally selling myself short here. But it's too late to do anything about it. I can't look at the stupid KL Declaration anymore, and it's nearly 3 a.m. and I need my sleep. In a larger sense, I just don't give a shit anymore. Not just about this assignment, but about this semester. I am disconnected, detached, disinterested, indifferent. I should be alarmed - but I am disconnected, detached, disinterested, indifferent.
I dunno. Oh well? Too bad? Yeah. There you go.
I only have 36 words left to get rid of but OMG, I'm so lazy and sick of this. Plus I haven't done my citations. I hate citations. Fuck.