One: Take-home exam paper = $%@$#^&. I only properly started writing it at about 4.30 p.m. today. I'm already into 1600 of my alloted 3000 words, and I've written exactly one out of the three/four (I can't decide) points that I intend to write.
Seriously? Some things never change. Bitching to my parents about the word limit and my amazing ability to overshoot saw my dad saying, "You've had this problem since secondary school." BEN XING NAN GAI. And I have no idea why I just randomly shouted a Chinese phrase that I'm not even sure is correct.
Still, as $%@$#^& as the exam is, all things considered, I'm going to try to write something that's worth St@nley Ye0's time, "try" being the operative word here. The paper isn't half as abhorrent as the Islamic Law paper, isn't even remotely as WTF as Infocoms, and isn't throwing me into the middle of the ocean without a life buoy the way International Law and Asia did. Sure, I didn't read any of the materials after the Concurrence Principle, but it doesn't mean that I don't know what went on for the second half of the course, because I PAID IN ATTENTION IN CLASS.
Half-paid attention in class. For what it's worth, I listened during the important part, i.e. the first half of the class when ST lectured. So, all's not lost, and I'm sure that I can get through this paper in one piece.
I must either be really confident in my own abilities, or I'm so absolutely desperate that I'm willing to believe anything, everything. For my sake, I hope the truth is closer to the former than the latter.
Two: I wasted two hours this afternoon reading a David Cook fanfic I found online, which inspired me to go back to read my own Slam Dunk fanfics (too lazy to link, but if interested, click on 'fanfiction' on sidebar). They were written when I was in junior college.
I only managed to read a few before I told myself to stop wasting time and get started on my exam. Of those that I did read, the reaction was a mixture of shock, horror, disgust, and awe. More shock/horror/disgust than awe, of course. The writing was pedestrian, some of my metaphors and similes were just retarded, and I had this habit of over-writing. Every now and then, though, I'd come across a few phrases that made me go, "OMG I WROTE THAT?! I RULE THE WORLD."
What I want to say, however, is that a question weighed predominantly in my mind while I was reading my own Slam Dunk fanfics: When was the last time I wrote something just for the fun of it?
The answer? Check the date I last uploaded/updated a Slam Dunk fic.
Of course, I'm totally over the Slam Dunk phase and I couldn't write a fic now even if you paid me because I can't remember the characters and the storyline anymore. (Then again, if you paid me enough, I'd do my revision and write something just for the money.) But I realised that I've been so caught up in writing something good that I've more or less neglected the "having fun" aspect of the process. The last time I had fun writing? I don't even know, to be honest. I enjoyed writing that David-inspired prose-like thing, but I was also subconsciously measuring whatever I wrote against the standard that I expect of the literary fiction that I read.
But why do I hold myself to that standard when there's really no need to, at least not all the time? I'm not saying that I should settle for writing run-of-the-mill, pedestrian crap (see any bestsellers list and take away Booker prize winners), because if I'm happy with writing that nonsense, then I have no business proclaiming that I love writing. What I am saying, though, is that I think I ought to loosen up a bit and stop taking myself so seriously. It's like David Cook and American Idol: if he insisted on maintaining his "cred" and refused to join the show on that basis, he'd never have got his name out, Analog Heart would never have reached #1 on Amazon's MP3 downloads, he'd never have reached #1 on Amazon's MP3 artists (yes, he's #1 now; he overtook Mariah! Go Cookie <3), I would never have heard of him, and my life would definitely be utter shit.
A reason I stopped writing fanfics is because nobody except fandom people takes fanfics seriously, and who wants to be associated with crazy fandom people? (Fandom people are nuts. Just visit any Supernatural Livejournal community and you'll see why.) It seems lame to write fanfic because...what's the point? You can never get it published in a respectable publication, you're more or less stuck with dredge like Fanfiction.Net and Livejournal communities dedicated to that particular fandom, and fanfics are just not "serious" enough.
But in the bid to be "serious", I have forgotten to write for the fun of writing, not for the art of it, the sake of it, or to fulfill some maniacal, egotistical need to prove to myself that I can be as good as the writers that I covet.
The truth is, I can't, at least not yet. So while I'm still trying to get there, I might as well enjoy the process and write some meaningless shit every once in a while. It's better than writing nothing anyway, and a few years down the road I'd dig up all these nonsense and entertain myself reading them for a few hours, just like what I did with my Slam Dunk stuff this afternoon.
So yup, I'm going back to basics and revisit Writing 101. Reading that David fanfic this afternoon while I was supposed to be writing my exam has kind of made me want to write a Cookie fic too, lolz. We'll see how that pans out though. I'm not known for following up on my urges or finishing my projects (none of my serialised SD fics were ever completed). Besides, if I do write a Cookie fanfic, it's probably going to be the verbalised version of all my David daydreams - and that's just embarrassing as hell. Fun, but embarrassing, and I'd never, EVER admit to writing them.
Three: Lookie, my current desktop:
My desktop is the neatest it's looked in a very long time. My icons used to be scattered all over the place 'cause I was too lazy to rearrange them. But the David wallpaper from AI.com inspired me to clean up my desktop.
That lone folder to David's right? It's labelled "David Cook" and it contains all his American Idol performances in high definition and low definition, his mp3s, and the newsletters from this site (which are hilarious).
I am VERY proud of my desktop and that picture of David totally makes me smile.
I noticed lately that David's belly seems to have disappeared. He was wearing that fitting black t-shirt on this week's results show and the belly was nowhere to be seen! Granted, the black might have camouflaged it a bit, but even pictures of his full-length profile do not reveal even a hint of the famous Cook belly.
And you know what? I'M DAMN SAD OMG. I want his belly back. Why is he losing so much weight? I mean yeah he's bound to change his appearance as Idol's stylists sink their greedy fingers into him, but the weight loss is just INSANE. You know a person has lost a lot of weight when even I notice, because I never notice things like that (so, advance warning to my friends: unless you suddenly lost like 10 kilos or put on 20 kilos, don't ask me if you've gained/lost weight, 'cause I wouldn't be able to tell the difference! I suck, yes).
I so regret making snide comments about his body now. I remember saying in an early March entry which I'm too lazy to look for that I thought David could afford to gym a bit. I also made snide comments about his butt, something along the lines of it being, um, huge, or fat, or whatever. OH MY GOD, I'M SO SORRY! Now that the belly's seemingly gone, I find myself missing it! David Cook just isn't David Cook without the Cook belly! I WAS turned off by it, but as time went by it had the opposite effect of endearing him to me even more.
He's just so cute that I want to squish him sometimes, among many other things, some of which are R-, even X-, rated. I hope he drinks more beer, eats more unhealthy food, lies around in bed all the day long and get his belly back!
Still, I have to say that the butt is definitely looking a lot better now than two months ago.
And I should stop talking about his physical attributes before I go into Too Much Information territory.
OKAY BACK TO THE EXAM.