Rather exhausted from some drama right now, such that I quite literally don't have the energy to write. There's not much to say, except I generally feel sad about everything, and most of the time I deal with that by not thinking about it, but oftentimes everything builds up to a crescendo and explodes at once. And when I finally let it out I'm only willing to do it in front of my boyfriend, 'cause at times like today I really feel like he's the only person who understands me the most, and it sometimes looks like he can't do anything to make me happy, but the truth couldn't be further from that.
I can't adequately put into words how much I love him, how much I appreciate him, how much I want to lie next to him and hold him so tight, never letting go. I can be at my absolute worst in front of him and he's still not going anywhere. He loves me like no guy, boyfriend, has ever loved me before. Sometimes I can't believe he's real.
I want us to be like the way Seamus Heaney is with his wife, the way he describes it in "The Walk". Like this:
So here is another longshot. Black and white.
A negative this time, in dazzle dark,
Smudge and pallour where we make out you and me,
The selves we struggled with and struggled out of,
Two shades who have consumed each other's fires,
Two flames in sunlight that can sear and singe,
But seem like wisps of enervated air,
After-wavers, feathery ether-shifts...
Yet apt to rekindle suddenly
If we find along the way charred grass and sticks
And an old fire fragrance lingering on,
Erotic woodsmoke, witchery, intrigue,
Leaving us none the wiser, just better primed
To speed the plough again and feed the flame
The family, Wei Chuen and I had Penang buffet dinner at King's Copthorne. It was good, for the most part, but I was really full and didn't eat much, as usual.
I love my parents, but I wish they'd stop wanting me to be someone I'm not.
I don't know. I don't want to talk about it.