I laughed. I liked his joke. I told him that he's very entertaining. He said thank you; we are open on weekends and I am also available for children parties. I was getting ready a witty reply when I saw the next couple of lines:
I like you a lot too. I must say that my selfish side hates to see you go.
I didn't even comprehend this; I was thinking, Where's the joke here? Why am I not getting it? Not wanting to take it too seriously, I said, 'Even after the revelation of my swinging lifestyle? Then it must be genuine!'
Later, when we were talking about movies, he suddenly and quite randomly said, 'You have the most awesomely cute smile.'
I was contemplating at which point I would reveal that I found him totally cute; I didn't want to be too forward, but I didn't want to play hard to get either (anyway, I suck so bad at this 'hard to get' thing. I couldn't last for more than 5 seconds). That was my invitation. He followed up with, 'I would definitely like to see more of you.'
We ended the conversation making vague plans to see each other this weekend, though sadly I am only free on Saturday.
Full confession: I kept Saturday open for him even when plans threatened to be made on Saturday. In fact, I was wondering the whole day when he'd ask me out again, and I was almost tempted to say 'fuck this shit' and ask him out myself because, you know, I hate waiting and things like that, so I'm really pleased that he stepped up to the plate. I wonder how long his next lecture is going to be...if/when we get to know each other better, I'm definitey going to tease him about it.
It was funny that he responded to my saying that he was entertaining with 'I like you a lot too'. It wasn't really what I meant, but it's okay, I'll accept the sentiment. I actually have a lot of burning questions I want to ask him about ancient Greek philosophy and find out once and for all how to pronounce 'Socrates'; I also want to find out how he finished his PhD in two years (yes I went back to stalk his faculty profile. He did his PhD in Cornell...as if I wasn't swooning enough already); and he was supposed to tell me how to speak at a conference without looking and feeling like an idiot, so there's that, too. I also went back to our message thread on OkCupid to double check his age. He's 33.
The only downside, though, is that he is short. He is really short. He's not shorter than me, but I would feel like an Amazonness if I wore heels around him. But as the bulk of my dating history shows, height is usually the first requirement that falls away when I kind of like someone.
Okay, let's not jump the gun yet: I can't really say that I like him because I've only met him once and for two hours. Maybe we'd go out this weekend and I'd decide that there's no chemistry or he's annoying or he's a total weirdo, and not in a good way, and I would feel stupid for even staying up to almost 1.30AM writing this ridiculously frivolous entry. Still - I think he's really cute, and not just physically. He's a total geek and I find it so endearing; he said that he listens to audio books to fall asleep. How cute is that? He's also obviously very intelligent with a great sense of humour - and I am a sucker for this combination. In fact, during the coffee, he was having a go at corporate types who go sky-diving to get an adrenaline rush and feel alive. He said, 'You jump out of a plane and you think you're alive? That's gravity.'
I laughed so hard at that.
It was also interesting how he talked about running at 2AM and pushing himself to finish the goal that he started out to accomplish, even when he feels like giving up. That was definitely reminiscent of how I always - ALWAYS - push myself to complete 40 laps in the pool or to work out on the cross trainer thing in the gym for at least 20 minutes. The latter is more challenging because it's not relaxing at all and after 10 minutes, my legs are screaming at me to just stop torturing them. But I keep on going. No matter how much I feel like I really want to stop, I make myself push forward and push through the pain and exhaustion, just to prove that I can do it.
I realised this about myself through exercise: when I want to do something, I will do it. I'm more strong-willed than I ever gave myself credit for, and I'm not sure why I never really focused on this aspect of my personality. How else did I get a Distinction for my LLM? How else did I force myself to study for the QLTS and work on my PhD applications at the same time? Sure, I was partly driven by a heightened sense of fear of failure, which yelled at me every chance it got that failure was not an option, that it was do or die, and that I would be the worst human being in the history of the human race if I failed the QLTS, if I didn't get a Distinction, if my PhD proposal was absolutely rubbish. Exercising, though, doesn't cast the stakes in such negative terms. I don't think that I would fail if I didn't finish 40 laps or 20 minutes on the cross trainer; I reach a point where it's not even about burning calories anymore, and I just want to do it because I want to do it, for its own sake, even if it's completely inconsequential - especially because it's completely inconsequential. It's something entirely for myself. I have nothing to show for it; swimming one lap less doesn't translate to an extra inch of fats on my belly. And so I completely understood where G was coming from when he was talking about running at 2AM.
Anyway. This entry is longer than I'd initially planned for, and I have not written a single word about what I originally wanted to write about before G confessed to his fondness for me. Clearly, after something like that, a girl has no choice but to write about it and shelf her original entry about her perfectionist tendencies, exposed once again at tennis.
More about that tomorrow (later today), and I will also finish my Myanmar entry. I have to go to work and read more articles about human rights in Singapore so that I can write that chapter on human rights in Singapore...I am so slow. Fuck, I hate my utter lack of discipline. I'm going to make such a shitty PhD student and academic.