anotherlongshot (anotherlongshot) wrote,
anotherlongshot
anotherlongshot

'Thou knowest the mask of night is on my face / Else would a maiden blush bepaint my cheek'

Just finished another text conversation with G and I can't stop smiling. I was gonna read Samuel Moyn's The Last Utopia but here I am, writing this entry instead. I was a bit bummed that he hadn't texted me when it was more than two hours after he said he'd text me in an hour or so at 8.45pm; but after I was done with my second shower of the night (I always shower before I sleep, even when I'm drunk...except maybe that one time in London with Wouter), I saw a message from him.

It was ridiculous how stupidly happy it made me. Especially in light of the fact that all he said was 'hey'.

I don't know if he's just a smooth talker (I wonder when I'm going to stop pretending that I actually believe in such expressions of scepticism?) but he's really good...really, really good.

You bring a smile to my face everytime.

Well if you need a letter of recommendation [for the NUS Overseas-Graduate Scholarship], I would write a sonata for you.

I am falling for these words on my screen like how Juliet would have fallen off her balcony for Romeo if she had been hastier to get to her star-crossed lover, or if Shakespeare had turned it into a farce. I feel like a teenager with a crush, excitedly checking her phone for messages from the current object of her infatuation. How did this happen?! I thought I went for a super casual coffee chat with a guy that I didn't have strong feelings for either way, and two days later, I am reduced by his text messages to a swooning mess. It's amazing how being open with another person does so much in creating an intimacy and perhaps even manufacturing a familiarity that didn't really exist at the time of the meeting. Yes, I was attracted; yes, I thought he was really intelligent; yes, I laughed at his jokes; but there wasn't really a moment when I had to force the creeping grin off my face or started swooning mentally. Admittedly, I had some trouble sleeping that night because my mind was half preoccupied with him, but I didn't think it was anything major. And now? And now, I am up till 1 in the morning writing yet another prepubescent entry about a man instead of engaging in an intellectual activity.

I re-read his faculty profile and I haven't the slightest idea what it all means. Assuming he wrote that page, though, as I'm sure he did (I wrote my own bio on the CIL website; it was awkward), he has really good English.

He said that we can have dinner on Saturday. He apparently rescheduled a dinner with his colleagues to Friday. 'They hate you now,' he said. I replied, 'I am not sorry at all.'

I couldn't resist teasing him about how he kept on talking on Monday. He said, 'I could talk to you for hours.' I jokingly wrote back, 'Yeah I know. You should let me get a word in every now and then. :)' When he said 'ouch', I quickly said that I was just teasing and I thought that it was cute. He said, 'I am a bit bubbly with you. But I think it's on you. [Heart shaped eyes emoticon].'

Oh my god what am I going to do? I am enjoying this too much. Saturday couldn't come fast enough. I am playing tennis at 9am on Sunday so I can't stay out too late, but I want to have as much time with him as possible. I was going to ask what time he'd be free, but I didn't want to appear over-eager (it was only Wednesday after all) so I played it cool and resisted the urge to ask. I'm also glad that he brought up dinner because it would've been difficult for me to stop myself from asking if he didn't bring it up.

Okay. I am going to read my book and then go to bed, and hopefully I will wake up more serious and less preposterous.

I'm meeting Prof Chesterm@n at 3pm later today to catch up; what I want to talk about, though, is the NUS OGS. It would be a huge load off my shoulder if I can get the scholarship, both in terms of not feeling guilty about my parents funding me, and also in terms of knowing that I have a job waiting for me at the end of the PhD. I'm actually okay with spending five years in Singapore post-PhD - I get to spend time with my parents and...I don't know, I guess I could always escape during term breaks when I get bored. This is, of course, contingent upon me getting the scholarship. G was all supportive and said not to worry, I would be great, etc. I'll try to remember that.
Tags: dating, g, guys
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