Anyway. Quite a bit has happened since the last entry. The fact that I just booked my flight back to the UK on the date that would facilitate a meeting between G and I indicates that he finally texted me back after two days. We talked a bit about the plan on Thursday night after I got back from the Guy Fawkes fireworks at Midsummer Common, and tonight (this morning), we more or less confirmed it. I say 'more or less' because it's not set in stone until he books his tickets to wherever. In this case, 'wherever' is Germany, where I will meet him.
Initially, I told myself that I wouldn't just roll over and make it convenient for him, the way I tend to do when it comes to men. I thought I should make him come to the UK to see me first...but it really doesn't make logistical sense. He'd come for maybe a night and then it's off to Germany. Besides, he'd be doing a lot of travelling in maybe 10 days (Greece, UK, Germany, San Franciso, Singapore) which is obviously tiring. Still, I had to tell him and make him understand what I'm putting in and sacrificing to see him: I'm cutting short my trip home and I'm going to some random, unheard of town in the middle of I don't even know where in Germany just to see him. He thought I was pissed off, but I wasn't. Nevertheless, we got into a bit of an argument. At first he said, 'Don't cut your trip short. In all likelihood I'll be in Europe for a month in the spring.'
Spring?! That's in March. That's two more months of not seeing him, which sounded crazy to me. 'That's a long way off,' I replied. 'I don't want to wait that long to see you. Do you?'
He didn't answer that question, but asked if I would be back in Singapore at all before April. I said that I had a term break but it was unlikely that I would fly home considering my first year paper is due on 20 May.
Five minutes later, he said, 'Fine. Book your ticket. I will see you in Cambridge.'
Even though he was clearly annoyed, and even though I obviously didn't say 'okay!' to that, I consider that an indirect response to my question. In any event, I clarified that I didn't mean at all that I didn't want to see him in Germany. In fact, I wanted to. As such, let's do it. But come visit me in the spring ok?
When I was pissed at him for not texting me back, I ranted to Rui about what an idiot I was to be so hung up on someone who was an absolute nightmare when it came to communicating. She said, 'You're not an idiot. Some people are just very compelling.'
I think that sums it up quite well. He is very compelling, and it is this almost mystifying (mystical?) magnetic force, pulling me to him, that makes my reasons for liking him simultaneously objectively discernible and subjectively incomprehensible at the same time. Meaning: I know all the reasons I like him - I like his intelligence, his intellect, the depth of his thinking, his character, his accent, his natural curiosity, how he makes me laugh. Yet, I can't comprehend why I like him the way that I seemingly do, the apparent depth of my feelings, the continued stronghold he has on my heart. I don't understand it at all despite being able to intellectually comprehend the reasons for my attraction. It's this compelling force that I cannot understand. Perhaps it is the duality of my attraction that keeps me on my toes, intrigued; and the inchoate nature of the 'relationship' invariably creates a careless sense of romance that seems to appeal to some pubescent side of me that's apparently still alive.
He made me feel present and connected when I was with him. The chemistry was off the charts. The intellectual connection was unspeakably shocking. I am curious to find out if all this time apart has eroded all of that, or whether we'd meet and everything will fall back into place, as if no time had passed at all.
We spoke on Skype on Thursday night. He actually suggested that I visited him in Greece. When I exclaimed that it would be really weird, he didn't get it at first. He said, 'I'll have to see if we have a spare room...'
'What? But that's going to be so weird!'
'Okay, you can stay in a hotel then, if you're uncomfortable staying at my place.'
'Oh my god, you're so daft. That's not the point! If I visited you in Greece, I would presumably be visiting your family and meeting them, right? What are you going to introduce me as, your...?'
'Someone I met on the Internet.'
Well, actually...that is entirely accurate.
Anyway, I appreciated the thought but there was just no way I was going to his family's place in December. I am rather surprised that he even suggested it, considering we're not officially dating. The point of this, however, is to demonstrate his propensity for daftness, which I find rather adorable.
Before we hung up, he finally properly looked at me and my face behind my glasses. With an impish grin, he said, 'I like your glasses. They're nerdy.'
'Yeah, that's rich coming from someone with a PhD in computer science and who participated in Maths olympiad!'
I had the last word on the matter, naturally.
It is 3am. Lastly: the fireworks display was pretty and enjoyable. It was at Midsummer Common, which is pretty much an open field next to Jesus Green which is behind where I live. The fireworks were so close, in-your-face, directly overhead, sometimes too blindingly bright. But it was pretty and it went on for about fifteen minutes.
There is probably something more about it that I should write about but I am tired and my thoughts aren't forming anymore. That's it, then.
(PS. I am totally hooked on The Cardigan's Long Gone Before Midnight album, especially the first song, Communication. I was so tired on Thursday that I came home at 5pm and took a short nap with all the lights off and that song playing in the background. It was the perfect setting for some emoshit music video or something.)