"my messages always don't post. Why. Anyway, I said: OMG THAT HAMSTER PICTURE IS LIKE SO TOTALLY CUTE!!!!!!!!1111!1ONEONE!11!1"
I really ought to be showering right now, seeing as it's 12.13 a.m. and I have a 9 a.m. lecture later on in the day. Speaking of 9 a.m. lectures, yesterday's (meaning Thursday) lecture was actually quite interesting. I was surprised that I only switched off towards the last 10 minutes due to the incredible ache in my wrist and the fact that I was super sleepy. Freedom of speech is infinitely interesting.
The downside? The tutorial notes are fucking thick. Like, bloody insanely thick. I thought there was only one stack of thick-ass notes but when I deposited my Trusts casebook in my mailbox, I discovered another thick-ass stack of notes. Like, kill me. Please.
Public Law is depressing but that's my own doing. Whenever I think about my disgusting essay I just want to die. I'm completely humiliated by the fact that I single-handedly willed it into its shameful existence, AND was thick-skinned enough to put my matric number on it and pass it off as "my work". Yeah fucking right, how the hell can I be capable of such sub-sub-subpar mediocrity? No, wait, calling it 'mediocre' is giving it way too much undue credit, and labelling it an 'atrocity' is a severe understatement.
Simply put, in a manner that is universally understood, it sucks major ass. Worst essay I've ever written, bar none. And yet, the fact remains that I wrote it. Oh, my god. 30% shot to hell. I can't imagine the kind of work I need to do to get my final grade up to like, a B. And that's all I'm asking for, while a year ago I would've aimed for an A.
Fuck fuck fuck, I hate my indifference. But hey, why cry over spilt milk? Take a mop and clean it up. Whining becomes querulously boring and that is a fact.
On another note, I so need to start on my Equity assignment tomorrow or I'm DOOMED - again.
And speaking of Equity, another tutorial went by during which I said nothing. And another tutorial went by that had me "preparing" for class an hour before it started. What the fuck. It used to be two hours before class started - and when I say 'prepare', I mean read my casebook (because I DON'T HAVE MY TEXTBOOK) for the first time and attempt to get my head around what the hell it's talking about (Hayton's written English is damn bad lah), then reading the tutorial questions and not knowing what the issues are, then going back to the casebook to re-read what I thought I've read, then giving up after tackling one measley issue because it's time for class - but this week it was ONE HOUR before class started. And this week's tutorial - constitution of trusts and formalities - completely flew over my head, and I spent the discussion of the last question writing out Jay Chou's song lyrics in my tutorial notebook.
I'm a total genius. I'm just being me. I was falling asleep during the tutorial and so when we went on our break (our tutor is like so totally nice lorz, got give us break one, then always end early) I went to the Co-Op and bought a pack of M&M's. I ate about 1/3 of the packet during class and it kept me awake but it made my stomach feel really, really, REALLY constipated so I gave the rest to my brother when I got home.
And speaking of constipated stomachs, I hate my constipated stomach. I'm not talking about its fatness, but its inner workings. I won't go into details so suffice it to say that I think I need fibre.
Okay, too much info.
In other more pleasant news, despite my screwed up Trusts tutorial and even more screwed up Pub Law essay, things are beginning to look up on the school front. And since school for me overlaps with Profession, I guess one implies the other, too, in an entirely logical progression. I had a much-needed eye-opener on how things really are out there and yeah, things don't look so bleak anymore.
Like I said in my previous entry, once you're in a certain elevated position, no matter how hard and fast you fall, you're already miles ahead of many other people. Call me arrogant or conceited or self-centered, but at times during which my morose indifference clogged my windpipes and had a vice-like grip around my throat and induced me to believe that things were meaningless, I need all the assurances and reassurances I can get - even the ones that don't reflect positively on my character.
The way I see it though? Assuming I practice law, I already know with almost absolute certainty what I'm going to do. And it's something that I can do and go to bed peaceful at night. And it's something I sort of wanted to do when I entered law school, something I kept as an open possibility at the back of my head throughout all the angst and bitterness that hit me a week after law school started, all the way until now; and now it's taken on the form of a near-certainty.
For someone who was dead set against the mere idea of doing internships during her holidays just a week ago, I'd mark this down as a marked improvement.
I had a nice talk with Chloe and I'm going to think about what she said and apply it to my own life. Suffice it to say and needless to say even, that I'm thankful for friends like her - always willing to listen, always offering to listen, showing concern in her own quirky way that I find rather amusing and totally appreciate. So, thank you Chloe, for everything. I'm sorry you lost your umbrella though!
Kel K just finished our LCS client advice letter so I'm going to take a look at it now and see if there's anything that needs to be changed. Probably not though; the original went through like ten trillion edits. Haha. It's nice seeing everyone put in their two cents' worth and be all group work-ish and stuff. Yep.
I'm glad I don't have a test, but I'm not glad I have an assignment. Everyone gets shitty deals. Bleah.