anotherlongshot (anotherlongshot) wrote,

personal nexus test.

I haven't finished my assignment. It's come to a point where I have no clue what I'm trying to say anymore and it doesn't help that I don't have my textbook and that my casebook is incoherent and badly written. Annoyance is me.

People always say: If you try and work hard, I'm sure you'll do well.

So in order to curb my fear of proving them wrong at bay, I choose to slack and goof off so that the possibility that I'm simply not as brilliant as I think I am will never become a reality.

The preceding paragraph/sentence applies more to writing than to law school. There are places to which I can submit things but I don't because this is the only real dream I've ever had and if/when that's dashed and ruined thoroughly I won't have anything else left. And I'm single-minded and myopic and stubborn to the extent that I'll never replace it with something else, like an ex-lover you can't let go of because the feelings are still there.

I realise, too, that I really want to move out and that I really want my own space. The love for the folks is a given and that remains unchanged but I'm getting tired of being interrogated every time I go somewhere, of my mom opening my packages, of my dad bitching about the way I keep my room messy. The way they're encroaching into my space and I need this space. The desire to sever the umbilical cord has never been this strong, I swear.

Just a qualified wild stab in the dark: If I'd gone overseas for uni, I probably would've lost my virginity by now.

Not that it's an issue at all; I'm just saying.

I feel detached from my reality sometimes, all the blank faces I pass by every day. Just a glance and nothing more, vacuous stares and indifferent gazes, the people I call 'classmates' and that's about it. You can spend four years in the same place with the same people and actually know less than 10 of them. Why is that? I'm not as fiercely anti-social as I used to be, and yet the nonchalant indifference in me persists still, and I don't think it will ever go away. It helps, I guess, that I still don't care.

Been spending a lot of money on SG Sell Trade which is bad as I'm sure spending a lot of money is obviously bad. I still prefer real shopping to online shopping but I haven't had the time to properly shop and I hate shopping on weekends because the crowd drives me absolutely nuts. Saturday is the worst time to leave the house.

This entry is pointless and I think doing my assignment is more important so, yeah.

Tags: angst, assignments, law school, parents, shopping

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