anotherlongshot (anotherlongshot) wrote,

i don't wanna be.

"I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way"

Under the Bridge, Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Pei and I used to sing it all the time.

A bit tired but don't feel like sleeping. I miraculously edited my Equity assignment down to 1998, from 23-whateveritwas-6. A painful experience, to be sure.

Amidst the crappiness of the Equity assignment I've done some self-searching and I realised that I have more flaws than I'd originally thought. What tops the list most of all is how self-absorbed I am, so much so that I don't realise the implications and magnitude of other people's actions, especially when the action is for me.

I'm not person I want myself to be - not at all. You can baby me and say that I'm fine the way I am, but the fact is, I'm not. I am so incredibly ugly inside, so flawed and imperfect. I want to be a better person, to stop feeling like a constant disappointment to myself. I'm 21 in July. I think I owe myself this much.

All right, sleepiness kicking in. Off to bed.

Tags: assignments, law school, lyrics, personal

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