I hate shopping now. I hate shopping for lingerie even more. The case of the shrinking breasts has never been more inconvenient, depressing and downright ridiculous. I tried on about six, seven bras and NOTHING fit. I hate it I hate it I hate it. For the first time in twenty-one years, I finally understand why women go for breast implants.
Because seriously? I wish my boobs were bigger. Or rather, I wish they didn't bloody shrink. They were fine before the weight loss and now they're just...horribly depressing.
So yeah, shopping sucked. Wish Rui were with me; it'd be so much more fun if she didn't have to go all the way to Jurong East to get her phone fixed. We were supposed to shop together until the Sony Ericsson people at Wisma told her they didn't have her stuff. THAT SUCKED.
Also, I'm currently in the living room. My dad repainted my whole room today and my room is in a complete mess and it smells and apparently I'm not allowed in there until tomorrow so yeah. It's funny, you know? I never realised how important my room is to me until I can't be with it. (Okay, be in it, but yeah.) Ever since reaching home at 5-ish I've felt like I don't know what to do with myself, like I'm home and yet not really home.
Simply put, it's torture having my room out of bounds.
And last night I was cleaning out the clutter in my room and moving things off my shelves and away from the walls so that my dad can paint. I had all these VHSes and casette tapes and a bunch of CDs I just left lying around. The VHSes, having been left leaning against the wall for literally years, were all mouldy and smelly and I almost died when I saw some small, black bugs crawling around on the wall when I removed those tapes. I threw everything out, including the Joaquin Phoenix tapes I bought on eBay years ago. Sucks, doesn't it? I think it does.
Anyway, I have two bags of CDs lying around in the dining room at the moment and I don't know where the hell to put them. And so I reached the conclusion last night, while shoving my DVDs into my book case 'cause there's nowhere else to put them, that I honestly need my own space. My room is too small to accommodate all my stuff. My book case is like, puny. I have a grand total of one shelf allocated to law books, which isn't too realistic 'cause that shelf is currently full. I also have a bunch of useless crap dumped on the top right shelf 'cause I was too lazy to throw them away the last time I attempted to clean my room. Thanks to the dust they collected, that shelf is now dusty and disgusting - which defeats the whole purpose of dumping my stuff in my book case (so that my things wouldn't get dusty so easily. And my things collect dust easily 'cause I clean my room on the average of two times a year).
Well, on the bright, I threw out a lot of junk last night. Random candles I bought years ago, a box of soap I bought years ago, things that only serve to collect dust whose existence I won't miss. I only think about them when I have to clean - which means I could really do without thinking about them because I hate cleaning.
When I get my own apartment (hopefully not in Singapore), it's going to be totally minimalistic. A sofa, a coffee table, a bed, a book shelf, a table, a CD rack. And the usual TV fan air-con whatever. That's it. No junk, no clutter; I can't stand the cleaning and the dust. It drives me insane.
I'm in the living room and my brother is watching Jurassic Park 3.
Sometimes I really don't feel like dealing with my family. My dad and my brother have this semi-love/hate thing going on that can get really draining, just listening to them. And my mom and I have been really jumpy with each other too...or rather, I've been quite impatient with her nowadays. Like this morning. I was late for Public Law. She kept nagging at me in the car and there was a jam and I just wanted all the cars to get the hell out of our way so that I could reach school and get the hell out of the car.
God, I'm such an ungrateful bitch.
But honestly, if it were up to me, if I had to take the bus to school, I wouldn't even bother showing up on Fridays. What's the point? You wake up at 7, piss yourself off on the bus squeezing with ten million people, just to go for ONE lecture that you have a 50% chance of not listening to anyway.
Rui and I were talking at the last row of the LT today. She said, "I came to school 'cause I want to go to town."
Yeah, like, totally. Me too. If I were to be honest, I think that's mostly why I go to school on Fridays. How tragic.
Back to the mom thing.
Well, I don't know what to say anymore. Suffice it to say that I could really use my own space now and then. Of course I'd miss home, but I'm at this stage in my life where I honestly crave being on my own. It seems unnatural to be nearly 21 and still living with your folks, depending on them, things like that. I know everyone does it in Singapore but...I don't know. Nevermind, I'm not very coherent right now. Or ever.
I find myself faced with a dilemma that I'd much, MUCH rather not have to face, OR deal with. With regard to the latter inclination though, what I mean is, I wish it didn't creep up on me. It's not the sort of quagmire anyone would like to be stuck in. But since I'm in it, I have to face it; and since I have to face it, I will deal with it the best I can, and know how.
It's just...ugh. It seems like no matter which way I turn, something would definitely give. There's no perfect solution. I wish I had a perfect solution.
I quite enjoy Grey's Anatomy as a guilty pleasure. Alex Karev (sp?) is sooooooo totally hot.