It sneaks out from the shadows
Slips into my mind.
I see his face in the darkness of my attempted sleep
I see the two of us
hand-in-hand; his arms around me; his mouth on mine;
the smile that he reserved just for me;
our reflection in the window of a metro train,
his words, We make a cute couple.
Is his ghost vengeful? Is it in limbo?
Does it come to me with unfinished business?
It burrows deeper into my mind, and now
I feel what it felt like to be in his presence:
as if all that glittered turned to gold
as if monochrome exploded into blinding colours;
all my senses ignited, fired up,
my heart bursting with a sense of aliveness.
All it took was him.
I buried all this in a grave that I
forced myself to dig
because he was gone; he left, and he
left behind a chaos that was unbearable.
Now his ghost is here.
It is sneaking towards my heart,
aiming for top prize.
It is not at peace; it needs to calm the furious
beating of its heart, it needs a compass
to find its way back, and so it pushes me down
pries open my mind's eye to its
kaleidoscope of images, covered in earth,
and shatters my equilibrium. Satisfied, it leaves
a trail of smoke in its wake.
I cough, I sputter,
I choke on the fumes.
There is wetness in my eyes.