I was extremely dismayed to discover that not a single one fit. I ordered all of them in my usual size, which is also the same size as the bra that I already had, but none of them fit. The cups were all too big for my sad tiny breasts. I honestly felt rather sad after I'd finished trying on all the bras; it was obviously disappointing that my new purchases weren't working out, but beyond that, it seemed to underscore just how bloody small my breasts are. There are generally two parts of my body that make me feel insecure: my perennial belly, and my small breasts.
Of course, the current size of my breasts is more or less an affirmation of the weight loss that I made myself achieve almost ten years ago, when I was an unforgivable size M. It is just unfortunate - really unfortunate - that I had to lose fats in my breasts, too. It is so sad, isn't it? At least I think it is.
Now I am trying to decide if I should order those bras in their sister size; I can't go down a cup size because the brand doesn't do AA bras. If only the online store offered free shipping!
My PhD is getting rather sickening. I think I am getting quite tired of the first year paper. It is currently over 25,000 words, and the word limit for the paper is 15,000. Good luck to me. I have been here before, but never to such a drastic extent. Then again, my supervisors said to just write everything that I want to write and we can decide at the next meeting what to focus on. Still, it is rather distressing, the knowledge that I am writing all these things now that have a good chance of being discarded later.
I am not writing as much as I want to. Sometimes I am just too tired to write after a long day in the library. Other times, though, I am distracted by things like Netflix and buying rubbish online, and, you know, the guy that I am seeing. At times, I feel as if my life in Cambridge consists of my PhD and Dominic with very little else to mix things up. I am not complaining, though. I mean, I see friends in the library, and if Raffael hadn't had to go to Oxford today to take care of his poor girlfriend who came down with food poisoning, I would've had met the Jurisprudence people to discuss Hans Kelsen's Pure Theory of Law. The point is, life could be worse. Cambridge will never cease to be boring, but at least it's pretty, and at least Dominic is in my life.
He took me to see some wild rabbits yesterday at some open fields behind the university sports centre. We walked along the footpath that led to Coton, and at first, there were no rabbits at the place where he saw some a week or so ago; that was disappointing. Fortunately, we spotted some after a while. We were separated from the field by a fence, but we managed to find a way to get behind the fence without climbing over it. We walked through the sports centre to the back of the track where the discus throwing spot was (there were even signs warning us of the 'extreme danger' of flying discuses, if that is a word). We spotted a few rabbits in the distance, but as soon as we approached, they all ran away and hid in the bushes. I was hoping to get up close and personal, but they were too suspicious of us awful humans.
I also invited Dominic over for some yummy spaghetti on Friday night. I have such a fear of cooking for other people that I had trouble focusing on work in the afternoon due to what was to come. I think the spaghetti (tomatoes, garlic, olives, capers, garlic-infused bread crumbs) turned out okay, but it wasn't my best attempt. The spaghetti themselves were overcooked for some reason, and the sauce was too watery. When I was cooking the sauce (which consists of fresh tomatoes; I don't like using pre-made sauces and tinned tomatoes), I was alarmed to see how watery it is, almost as if I'd inadvertently ended up making tomato soup. But it turned out not-disastrous, so I guess all was fine.
We went to Hidden Rooms for cocktails after dinner. I love the Brandy Alexander so much; it is like a cake in liquid form. It is delicious. That's pretty much the only drink I've had there, and I liked it so much that I had two of it in one night. Later, we came back to mine; at one point, he exhorted me not to 'manipulate [him] with [my] sexy body'. Does one ever get sick of compliments? I don't think I ever will.
I am reading a new writer, Anita Brookner. I am reading her Hotel Du Lac (Hotel du Lac, I think) which won the Booker Prize in 1984 or something along those lines. Before this, I read Porterhouse Blue and The Bone Clocks. I am therefore really hungry for a good character-driven book that will resonate with me emotionally; and so far, Hotel Du Lac is pretty amazing. Hence, I shall shower and crawl up in bed with my book.
Lastly, I bought some reed diffuser from Selfridges (at the same time as I bought one of my Heidi Klum bras) and my room finally smells amazing. I love the scent of lavender. I think this is well worth the 38 pounds that I spent on making my room smell like heaven!