I am struck with an urge to contact G, ask if he's in Singapore, meet him.
For what? Am I even over this? I don't even fucking know. I was in Orchard today and when I walked towards 313 Somerset, past Oriole and the Japanese beer place opposite Oriole, I thought of him, the night we met there, had some funky Japanese beer, how he kissed my neck.
After my haircut, I briefly thought of taking the MRT to Dhoby Ghaut to see if he was around what were his usual haunts 9 months ago. On the bright side, I extinguished that thought quickly enough before I could act on it, and if I had done it, it would have been just one stop away from where I was.
I don't want him in the same intense way that I wanted him six months ago. I think I am just curious to see how I would react to seeing him, if there would be any residue of whatever we shared during that one month in Singapore last year. The risk, though, is high; namely, I don't want to be sucked back into his vortex of doom. It took me so much energy and effort and time to get myself out; it does not seem worth it to risk undoing all this progress that I have made.
Yet, I feel as if it would remain a nagging thought at the back of my head if I don't do it.
John has a ridiculous theory that I engineered my singlehood just in time for my trip back home, where G presumably is. It is a totally silly theory that is completely false, of course, but how messed would that be if it were true? Fortunately, it is not true.
This entry is stupid. I am wide awake at 2.03am. I ought to try to sleep.
Met Mag for lunch! It was awesome to see her. It was too bad that I was really sleepy for some reason; she said I looked pale and bloodless when she first saw me. How sad. Dinner on Wednesday is gonna be great!