anotherlongshot (anotherlongshot) wrote,

king of the castle.

I was supposed to look for a job today but I didn't because I was...lazy.

Sigh. Some things never change.

I would first like to announce that I have absolutely nothing to say.

Well, I do, actually; they're simply not things that I wanna type in here.

So I'll just go off a bit about a movie I watched today.

Pieces of April was pretty good. Liked its low-budget, arthouse-esque feel. It was nice. The film touched me; liked the family dynamics, the message, everything. When I saw that Chinese family and heard those Chinese dialogue, I just started smiling REALLY wide. What can I say? I love Chinese and I love being Chinese, as stupid and racist as that may sound. But you know what? I really don't care.

It's been raining excessively and I love it. The rain gives me a nice, warm feeling inside; of course, it's quickly supplanted by irritation when I'm stuck outside, trying to get somewhere but I'm taking ten years to get to that place because I missed my stop whilst on the bus and have no idea where the hell I've ended up and then I have to walk like a long distance under trees and all and I have to expose myself to falling water droplets from tree branches, dripping onto my BARE FUCKING BACK which is just DISGUSTING, and when I get to the bus stop to take a bus back to where I was supposed to be I'm told that I was at the wrong bus stop, but then, the rain has already started to pour, and so in the end I have to waste money on a taxi instead.

I don't think that made any sense but it really happened. And um, I wrote another shounen-ai Slam Dunk fic, a RuMit, but I really don't like it. Oh well.

I suddenly found myself wishing, sometime during the afternoon today, that I was in school. It just feels strange not having anything to do and to be sitting on my arse at home, waiting for July to enter the university. In fact, the very notion of 'university' is unsettling in itself. I haven't even fully enjoyed being 18 yet, and now I'm amazed that I'm turning 19 in July. I'm growing old, and yet, I don't even feel like I've truly lived.

Things aren't really turning out the way I'd envisioned them when I was still smack in the middle of preparing for the A Levels last year. I'm bumming. I don't want to bum. I wanna earn some money so that I can pay for my own plane ticket to Taiwan in June this year, if we're going back to celebrate my grandad's birthday (and I hope to hell that we are 'cause I miss Taipei like crazy), and also to spend my own money on clothes and the like and quit using my parents'. It's time to turn the tables, I think. I'm old enough, albeit awfully inexperienced, but hey, one can always learn, and I think I'm pretty fast.

I could easily settle for a waitressing job...if only I didn't have my snob complex about it. I'm like, "I wasn't born so fucking intelligent just to serve a bunch of idiots who don't deserve it." And I believe that, too. I'm not here to serve; I'm here other stuff. What they are exactly, I haven't figured out.

In fact, there are so many things that I haven't figured out, nor have I the energy to even get started. University, for one. I think I'm supposed to be applying to American colleges now if I really want to go, but I still don't know if I want to. And my major? No fucking idea. I think I should go talk to some of my teachers but...

It might seem like I'm jumping the gun a bit, talking about majors when I haven't even got my A Level results, but I'm not. My admission to NUS is a given, as arrogant as that may sound, but I'm just being honest, albeit brutally so. But ask anyone, and they'd say that it's true. It's always been a given, as a matter of fact, even when I was 14 and rebelling against everything under the sun and going, "I don't want to go to a fucking university, dammit!" My parents are both university graduates; it's what they've expected since the beginning, and you know what? I concur with them, fully.

Seriously, I think I've seriously wasted a lot of potential and time in Jurong Junior. I had some really great teachers there and I made awesome friends (like Mel) but I could've had so much more, done so much more, if I'd gone to a better junior college, with actual competition.

Then again, going to Jurong Junior woke me up for good, so now I refuse to settle for second-best. My obdurate belief in myself and my intelligence is possibly deluded at best, but fuck it, I don't care. This is what I believe and I'm taking it to my goddamn grave. I can do whatever I want, just because I said so. I know my limitations and my weaknesses, but even more importantly, I know my own strengths and talents. And when I second-guess myself, I have every right to do it, because, again, I said so. It's not contradictory; it's just a very human moment of weakness, which would be made manifest as we inch closer and closer to the release of the A Level results (which I'm still convinced I've bombed) but let's not talk about that right now.

My point is, I think I'm a genius, thank you very much. And I've always believed that modesty is false anyway.

But yes, a great mission I want accomplished within this long and boring holiday is this: My Chinese. I want it improved, and I want it improved now. I'm not kidding. I'm going to read Chinese books and I'm going to start writing diary entries in Chinese (not here, of course; I can't be arsed to type in the pinyin and take ten years to type out one sentence and forget the next thought). In short, I'm going to get back what's rightfully mine, so shittily stolen from me when my parents packed and brought me away from Taipei and to Singapore. In a few years' time, I'm going to be effectively bilingual, and I'm even going to pick up Hokkien so that I can communicate with the people in Kinmen when I go back there after I've graduated from the university, just like my grandparents told me to.

Hmm, I've just lost my train of thought. Oh, wonderful. I hate it when that happens, and just when I was on a roll too! Damn.

I got my prom photos; did I mention that? Well, yeah, the pseudo-prom photos. I look shitty in every photo and I already have my favourite photo. I can't be bothered to scan any of them though, so I won't be posting pseudo-prom pictures, unless my friends email me pics from their digital cameras. Which isn't really likely. But whatever; nobody should see how shitty I looked anyway.

But seriously, I was so amazed when I found out for myself how white my skin is, especially the shoulders and upper chest area. It's Whoever stood next to me looked really dark in comparison.

Haha, I'm damn pleased. I really dig fair-skinned guys and I don't like myself to be tanned so that's good.

Singapore's NOT GONNA GET ME. Take that!

Possible future plan: Work in Taiwan. More specifically, Taipei. I don't exactly want to go to places like Kaohsiung and Tainan and listen to Chen Shui-bian-style Chinese. It's crude and coarse and uneducated-sounding.

But, as with all things, we'll see.

Tags: angst, junior college, life, movies, rant, school

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