anotherlongshot (anotherlongshot) wrote,

the da vinci code sucks.

The Da Vinci Code is a two hours and thirty minutes-long exercise in Contrivance.

Take it from me: It Sucks Major Ass. I'm an atheist and even I found it offensive: It insulted my intelligence, mocked my sense of logic and worst of all, its "shocking twists" were so damn obvious that I called about 95% of them before they were revealed, in particular the identity of the "Teacher".

Also on my shitlist is how it sacrificed character for plot.

Oh wait, what am I saying? WHAT character? Its "characters" were pathetic cardboard cutouts stapled to strings controlled by the morons behind this crapfest. Am I supposed to believe that it's done by RON HOWARD? He who did Parenthood (starring a 15-year-old Joaquin Phoenix; hence my soft spot for that movie) and was Oscar-nominated (or did he win? Don't remember) for A Beautiful Mind? Puh-leese. The default user comment on said that the movie was faithful to the book - this only further proves that Dan Brown is crap whose books should be burned right about now.

Christians shouldn't worry about how this stupid pretend-movie would vilify their faith. No one with a functioning brain will mistaken it for fact; it's so obviously stupid that you'd have to be equally stupid to think it's even remotely true. I mean, maybe - and this is a huge maybe - the stuff about Constantine and Jesus/Magdalene could be vaguely credible if it weren't for that incredibly retarded big reveal at the end about Jesus' descendants. Seriously, come the hell on. Even as fiction it's still disgustingly and insultingly contrived.

Watching Veronica Mars has made me critical to how people handle mysteries. Anything less than astounding and it's crappy. The Da Vinci Code, therefore, is crappy. Apparently the whole Priory Something thingy is a crock of shit invented by Dan Brown - not that I'm surprised. And Opus Dei, as attested to by Time Magazine in a cover story, isn't even half as crazy as the movie/book makes it out to be.

So, yeah, whatever. Two and a half hours. Seriously. The last thirty minutes or so were completely redundant, and the last act was just laughable. I laughed out loud when Baoyue went, "He's reading his own book?!" And I still don't get why Tom Hanks' blood was in the shape of something which looked like a trident when the blood dripped from his cut into the water in the basin.

Oh well, I'll just mark that down as another piece of Contrivance out of the countless in the movie.

There is an upside though: Paul Bettany. I couldn't believe he was the same boring dude who played that boring tennis dude in that crappy movie tennis romance thingy with Kirsten Dunst (forgot name of movie because it sucked). This is really quite wrong but whenever Paul Bettany as Silas was on-screen, save for the self-flagellation scenes throughout which I had my eyes mostly shut, I was totally drooling over him. HE IS SO HOT. And I wanted to cry when he died (come on we all know the "bad guy" will die because this is Hollywood) because it was so sad. Silas obviously had some mental issues and he seemed to be able to remain sane - or relatively so - only because of his deep religious fervour. And then everything was revealed to be a lie, the rug was pulled from under him, and that devastation in his last words - it was heart-breaking.

I'm in love with Paul Bettany. It also helps that he's British. I love British men. Hahahahaha.

Anyway, flying off tomorrow and my dad gave me a huge luggage but I kind of ran out of space. Um, well. I will have to work something out.

I called Acer regarding my camera installation woes and all I had to do was to change the name of the path in which the required file was located. How silly.

I don't know if I'd have Internet access in Taiwan. To the people whose emails I haven't replied, if I get Internet access I'll answer your emails in Taiwan. If not, I won't be back until June 5, so...yeah. Sorry.

Need to pack somemore. It was awesome meeting up with Baoyue and Angela. It's been a long, long while. We oughta do this more often!

Oh, and how awesome was Taylor in the American Idol finale? I hated the last song he sang but god, talk about emoting. The thing that made me like Taylor was his ability to make his listener feel the song he's singing. That ability hasn't always been around, but in that last song it moved me to near tears...and I didn't even vaguely like that song.

Katharine sings well and is pretty but you just don't feel it. I'm watching the result show before I go to the airport. I think I already know who will win.

Okay, that's all from me. See ya.

Tags: american idol, movies, taiwan

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