I didn't really feel like going as the day progressed; this feeling of not wanting to go increased when John came over to Magdalene and we had our 'best friend date'. We first went to Sainsbury's where he bought soy milk and vegan cheese which turned out not to be nice, then hung out in the MCR and talked. I felt like I hadn't seen him in ages even though we had lunch on Wednesday. I guess I was missing quality time with my Cambridge best friend.
I eventually made it to formal, and although the food was absolutely woeful, I had a good time mostly talking to Arthur. We chatted about his presentation that I attended a week ago, about what I'm working on, about French...it reinforced one of the few things that I actually love about Cambridge: the hotly intellectual environment. I am really enjoying the academic work now that the pressure of the first year assessment is completely off. In fact, there is almost zero pressure now, and this feeling is so troubling in itself that I am trying to make myself work just half as hard as I did over the summer, just so that I feel productive again. Sitting around doing nothing is actually quite scary because the time wasted will never come back.
Anyway, Arthur is also a reader so we discussed books as well, along with Hope, a new PhD student who's living in the house that I lived in last year. I always love talking about books. I am intrigued by his description of Philip Roth's American Pastoral, and I was almost swooning when I gushed about how brilliant Graham Greene's The Power and the Glory is. It's definitely a book that I will re-read at some point; I am currently reading his The Heart of the Matter.
I left post-drinks at 9.30om because I am sick and I was feeling tired. I was also really bloated for some reason and I wanted to get out of my dress. I'm playing tennis at 8.30am tomorrow so I will sleep soon. I am just waiitng for the effects of the cough syrup that I bought today, which is supposed to aid restful sleep, to kick in. I don't think its drowsiness-causing prowess is that strong. Alas.
I told John that I wanted to ignore the guy who sits opposite me in the library, but eventually couldn't be bothered because it was too much work. He said something along the lines of how I'm cold or something like that.
It was no work at all today to ignore Gross Guy at formal. I couldn't help but roll my eyes when he was laughing obnoxiously at post-drinks, and I was very happy that I wasn't sat opposite or, god forbid, next to him. But it's so easy to look through someone as if he's not there, non-existent, because how does one properly look at non-existence?
If I am being petty, then so be it. But sometimes things are done to you which can be humiliating (though I'm not sure if I would use this word to describe it) and the person who did it is not inclined at all to clear the air; and so why should I pretend to be nice when I want absolutely nothing to do with people like that? People with no integrity, no basic standard of decency, no respect for others. No amount of intelligence in the world can make up for such an abject lack of character.
And just to be clear, I am talking about both Gross Guy and Guy Opposite Me in Library.
On that pleasant note, I am going to bed.