Excuses, excuses. Does there come a point in a person's life when she simply gives up and stops trying to change deep-seated character flaws, such as laziness? I mean, I don't call myself a perennially lazy fuck for nothing.
Still, what an achievement for this lazy fuck: going her whole life being lazy and somehow stumbling into Cambridge. Like I told John last night, I am living the dream; a shallow dream of getting a degree from Cambridge, my dream school (though the designation of Cambridge as my dream school was never rationally assessed, so a rational person wouldn't put that much stock into [on?] it; since it matters to me, I am not a rational person), but a dream nonetheless. So I should be happy, if not contented, at the very least satisfied.
Well. That's an entire can of worms that I don't feel like touching right now, but the point is, what do I mean when I say that I am lazy? Of course, it is a facetious statement, for I cannot be that lazy and still be here. At various points in my life, I must have had worked really hard to get the results that I wanted; and I did work really hard and got what I wanted, and if I hadn't worked my ass off in those five weeks leading up to my LLM exams, I definitely would not be here right now. So it is not entirely true to say that I am lazy. But still, it is also true to an extent: I can have so much more on my CV, actual publications, but I was too lazy to work on them. So I think I have the absolute bare minimum of what I need to be competitive for an academic job, but the name Cambridge alone will not get me the jobs that I want (assuming I know what these are). The point is, I really ought to stop being lazy sometime sooner rather than later.
I have to buy some groceries after lunch today, which is annoying because my day has already been quite delayed. Some of the PhDs are going for drinks tonight. I wanted to go along but oh my god, if I don't work tonight, I won't get the piece for Chapter 3 done, so I guess I have no choice but to pass.
I have started doing this really terrible thing of eating out of the pan ever since last weekend or so, when I was feeling too shitty to bother with washing an extra plate. This is really unbecoming, is it not? Where have my standards gone to?
I bought some gluten-free fresh pasta. It is not disgusting but there's something about the texture of the pasta that grosses me out a little, so I think I will stick with Marks & Spencers' fresh spaghetti. And the only reason I buy fresh ones is because it takes 4 minutes to cook them, but 9-10 minutes to cook the dry ones. Who has time for that, right? There's only one hob in the gyp room so I can't possibly spend 10 minutes waiting for the pasta to boil before moving on to the sauce. Cooking already takes up enough time as it stands.
I have been trying all kinds of whatever-free diets to determine what is the cause of the bloating that I sometimes experience. Last night, for instance, after dinner at Bella Italia where I polished off an entire pizza by myself, I felt a really painful bloating. One would reasonably conclude that it's the wheat in the pizza dough, but I had coffee with regular milk in the faculty earlier in the day (the woman put in regular instead of soy like I asked for, and I didn't realise when I was already back at my seat, and I was too lazy to go down to change it), so it's still not clear what is the cause. Maybe it's a combination of things. Maybe it's everything. Maybe it's just me.
That didn't make sense. Anyway, I am pleased to say that I have stopped buying milk, and after discovering this pretty good soya yogurt from the health store where I buy my soy milk (as it is the only brand within a 7-minute walk from my room that does not contain some weird chemicals), I will stop buying regular yogurt too. I still ingest dairy from cheese but that will take a while to wean off. I also don't eat desserts much anymore (I can list the number of sugary things I've eaten since coming back to Cambridge) and I hardly drink alcohol as well, and when I do, I go for wine instead of sugary cocktails.
I must say that I feel really healthy. It also feels quite awesome to look in the mirror and like what you see.